Gary's POV
The words have been spinning around my head for the past two hours. I feel sick with worry and at any moment now I'm going to have a breakdown. "Gary." Simply he speaks, knocking me out of a daze. Nervously I lift my head into the direction of the speaking voice. There stands Greg, a couple of inches away from where I'm sitting on the sofa, he's stuffing his wallet into his jacket pocket, whilst he runs a hand through his own thick hair which is styled into a quiff. "I'm going to the shops. Do you want owt?"
Gritting my teeth, roughly I swallow which feels like I've swallowed a razor blade. "...N...No...Thanks."
Nodding his head, he scans around the room, before edging towards the living room door. Its almost as if I'm the guest in my own home, but I certainly wish I wasn't here right now. "Right. I'll be twenty minutes, tops. Get something to eat, you haven't eaten since I arrived here. I'll be taking the keys with me, so there's no point trying to get out of this."
Weakly I watch as he disappears from my sight, once the front door closes then locks behind him, finally I feel like I can breathe again. Peering through the gap in the partly closed curtains, I watch as he happily walks down the road with a smug looking grin plastered on his face. "...What am I going to do?" Mumbling to myself, I glance down at the cut wire of the house phone. He's taken the keys, he's taken my mobile and now he's cut me off from any communication with the outside world. Inhaling a deep breath, I stroke the corners of my mouth, before climbing to my feet and physically forcing my heavy lifeless body into the kitchen. I need to drink at least. Pouring myself a glass of orange juice from the fridge, immediately I take a gulp of it, which quenches my thirst as soon as the icy liquid hits my dry taste buds. Dropping my head into my hands which rest on the worktop in front of the sink, firmly I close my eyes and begin to think. He can't be serious. He's got to bluffing. There's no way he can kill Mark. My Mark. Shaking my head, as I bring my view to face the back garden, a tear escapes my right eye and runs down my cheek. I've only just got him back into my life, I can't lose him for good. Just as I'm about to take another sip of the orange juice, something catches my eye. Abruptly I fix my gaze onto the item which becomes a life line. My mobile. He's left my mobile behind. Striding over to the phone which sits on top of the microwave, instantly I unlock it. 8% battery remaining.
Taking another deep breath, there's two options I have. One, I ring the police and report everything, from being held hostage in my own home to Greg threatening to kill my boyfriend. Or two, ring Mark and explain everything, hopefully getting him out of danger by warning him and hoping he understands why I had to turn him away today. As soon as the battery drops to 7% , it gives me a wake up call, If I don't do something soon, there's no way out. Punching the digits into the home screen, surprisingly, a voice appears after the fourth ring. Clearing his throat, hoarsely he speaks almost like he's just woken up. "...Hello?" Just by hearing his voice my heart shatters. How could anyone possibly want to hurt this man? Millions of questions are being thrown at me and situations are being over thought already just by his simple response. Its not until the second time he speaks, I finally answer. "...Is anyone there?"
"M...M...Mark..." Shakily I talk down the phone, tears still threatening my eyes. There's silence instantly.
"...Oh, its you. I'm trying to sleep." Bluntly he replies, which only brings more heartache inside of my body. Rapidly my heart swells in my chest and the only sound I can hear is the blood pounding inside of my ears.
"P...Please...I...I can explain."
Releasing a groan, he forces out a deep sigh on the other end of the phone. "Gaz, I don't care about your excuses. I've had enough. This is making me ill again that's why I decided to take an early night. I'm not going to keep dropping everything for you, just to make you love me again. I can't do it. I need to focus on myself and Hannah-"
"I do love you!" My voice increases out of nowhere. "Please, Mark. I need-"
"I'm sorry, Gary. But I can't keep running round after you and giving you space all the time. I'm sick of being pushed away. I can't do this anymore. I'll see you next week at the scan, yeah? I need to sleep."
"Mark please, please wait!" Losing control of my breathing, panic strikes. "Mark, the thing is, I need your hel-" The phone drops dead and I'm left talking to myself. Tearing the mobile away from my ear, I notice that Mark has ended the call. Disconnecting the call also, I fumble around to find Mark's contact again, hitting the call button, this time he doesn't end the call. After two rings, the phone drops back into silence once again. "What?!" Glaring at the dark screen, frantically I hit the buttons, but get no response. "No, no, no!" Tears rush to my eyes, now that I notice that the phone has died. This can't be happening. "P...Please? Please no." Hitting my palm against the back of the phone, the water works are no longer being held back, weakly I drop to my knees with my mobile still in my hand, as I begin to cry to myself. "...Mark..." Softly I sob as I sit on the kitchen floor in front of the cooker, with my knees pulled up to my chest.
"Gary?!" Sharply a voice echoes down the hallway and the slam of the front door rings in my ears just minutes after the call. Noticing the mobile as soon as his eyes set upon me, frustration now shows in every inch of his face. Snatching it from my grip before I even get chance to blink, he becomes furious that the mobile doesn't switch on. "Who the fuck have you called?!" He spits in my face, dropping the grocery bags at my feet.
"N...No...one..." The words leave my lips in a whisper, which only causes his blood to boil by my lie. Harshly he grabs my chin, connecting my eyes with his, making me tense by the forceful eye contact.
"Don't you dare lie to me, you bastard!" As my mouth opens to blurt out another excuse, before I get chance to, his palm crashes against the side of my cheek, causing the side of my head to hit against the kitchen floor tiles.
"Ahhh..." Lifting my hand to my burning cheek, I squint my eyes as the figure begins to approach.
"Who did you ring?!"
Wiping away the wetness from my lip with the back of my hand, I confess. "...M...Mark..." I grumble.
Swinging his leg backwards, it collides with my ribs, several times. "You stupid, stupid man!"
"Please!" Loudly I plead, trying the best I can to protect my aching body. "Stop it. Just stop it!"
"What did you tell him?!"
"Nothing! I swear nothing!" Then the kicking promptly stops, allowing me to breathe again. Tasting the blood from my bottom lip, the pain runs through my entire body. "...Please..." I cry. Watching Greg move away from my fragile body whilst he starts to unpack the carrier bags, panting for a steady breathing pattern, I try to move into a more comfortable position on the floor, if possible. "...Just...Just do whatever...you...you want to me...but...but leave Mark alone..."
"Leave, Mark alone?" He scoffs at how pathetic I sound, well to him I do. "Taking my anger out on you, seems like a pretty good thing to me, but the revenge isn't complete until Mark takes his final breath and nothing will change that, but then again... you have that award ceremony to present in a couple of days...I guess I should leave your face alone until after that, we don't want questions being asked, now do we?"
Wincing as I carefully force my back against the cupboard doors, my arms wrap around my ribs. "H...How...did you know...about tha-"
"I read your letters. Don't worry, nothing important came. Just the usual bills and charity crap." He smirks from the kitchen table, making me feel as if I'm the smallest person on this planet. He can't get away with this.
Mark's POV
Two days have passed since Gary's call and it seems that I've been in bed since that day. Running a comb through my hair, I look at my smartly dressed body in the bedroom mirror. Tonight is the night I'm attending the Brit awards, hosted by James Corden, who's also a good close friend to the band. I really wish I declined Robbie's offer of being his guest this evening, but the fresh air and company will do me good, instead of being cooped up inside a child's bedroom all day and night. "At least Gary won't be there." I think to myself, as I frown at my reflection as soon as the words leave my lips. Before I get chance to scold myself for thinking such a things, there's a knock on the bedroom door. "Yeah?" In seconds, the door becomes ajar and there stands a man dressed top to toe in designer wear. "Wow." Playfully I smirk. "Someones made an effort for once."
"Watcha mean by that, Markie?" Robbie barks out a laugh, whilst staring down at his dark purple suit and black trousers. "I went all out for this evening, got this freshly made."
"I gathered." Smiling at him from within the mirror, I set down my comb. "You do look great though mate. Its nice to see you happy again."
"Always happy me, I'm Robbie fucking Williams." Nudging me with his elbow, cheekily he winks.
"Yeah that's true." I roll my eyes. "...But I think its best if you take Yasmin this evening, I mean...it would be nice if you two spend more time together instead of babysitting me or Eleanor constantly."
Robbie shakes his head and delicately places both of his palms on top of my suit jacket shoulders. "I've already told you. Yaz isn't up to it, she's about to go into labour for the second time, what she needs is peace and quiet not a roaring crowd with blasting music. She has enough of her eardrums being burst from Ellie's cries. Besides, you need a night out. Its been too long since I've seen a true smile on that mug of yours. I mean it Markie, you're not worming your way out of this one. Anyway...it stops me from getting a ear bashing from droopy draws."
"I heard that!" Loudly a voice calls from the next bedroom, causing the pair of us to burst into laughter.
"Come on, mate. Alan is outside waiting with the car, its time to leave."
----------------------------
Sliding my suit jacket off, I use my hand to act as a fan. It feels like a hundred degrees in here and by the look of things, the air conditioner has broken down. So far we've been stuck here for the past hour and half, still award less on Robbie's behalf. Sitting alone now that Robbie's bumped into a few old friends back from the early days and ones his written with throughout his career, I sit with a bunch of half drunken randomers. The whole place smells like a brewery, which is making me even more uncomfortable. Itching to leave, before I get chance to sneak off to the toilets, the lights begin to dim back down once again and Robbie huddles back beside me at the table. "You OK?" He whispers in my ear and furrows a brow by the sight of my flustered face.
"Y...Yeah...I'm jus-"
"Ladies and Gentlemen." James Corden reappears back onto the stage looking exactly how we are all feeling, as he drowns in his own sweat drenched suit underneath the scorching lights. "...Please put your hands together for your final host this evening...Mr...Gary Barlow!" Just by those three simple words I partly choke on my tongue, thankfully I have Robbie on stand by.
"Mark?!" Patting me on the back, swiftly I grab hold of my water from the centre of the table, before taking several steady sips of the refreshing liquid. "...M...Mark...I honestly...I didn't know..." In sync, both of our heads stare over at the stage, fixing our eyes onto the figure who is now present. There's flutters bouncing around the pit of my stomach, but they abruptly stop when I watch the way he acts on stage. There's something different about Gary. His jaw has tightened and his pupils are dilated, but not because he's noticed me...not yet he hasn't. His shoulders look tensed and his whole body is stiff looking, even more so when he takes a step towards the spotlight, and that's when I feel a crack form on my heart. Sticking out like a sore thumb underneath the very faint foundation which has been applied to his cheek as a cover up, it stands out crystal clear to my eyes, there sits a pinkish coloured bruise on the side of his cheek. Somethings wrong. Somethings terribly wrong.
"...Good...Good evening everyone." He forces out a smile. I need to speak to him, maybe he's in trouble? Maybe that was the point of the phone call?
Monday 17 November 2014
Thursday 16 October 2014
Chapter 50
Gary's POV
Greg wonders off into the living room, leaving me behind feeling incredibly confused and slightly angry. Storming into the room after him, my heart rate increases. "How...How did you find me?"
"You're not very good at keeping yourself safe, are you?" He smirks, tossing something against my chest. Glancing down, my eyes fix onto the medium sized leather square which now sits in front of my feet.
"M...My wallet, but h-"
"Remember? You passed out, you were wasted so I took you back to the hotel room." Slumping down onto the sofa, as if its his own, there's that evil glare in his eyes again.
"So you decided to take my wallet? You had no right!" Grabbing hold of my wallet, frantically I search through each one of the departments, making sure everything is still in the right order.
"I haven't taken anything."
"Good." Partly I growl stuffing the wallet out of sight into my back pocket. "I think its best if you leave, Mark's round tomorrow and I don't want anything to go wro-"
"Mark?" His eyes lighten by the name. "That toss pot who cheated on you?"
"Don't...Just don't."
Removing his self from the sofa again, Greg now stands in front of me, just inches away from my face. "...The guy who has a child by another woman...?"
"Stop it..." Merely I whisper, as my body very lightly begins to shake.
"He doesn't love you. Look at you. Look at him." Turning his head, he glances over at the fire place which contains small frames and on the left hand side proudly sits Mark's certificate from rehab. "Classy... that's exactly what your guests want to see. A washed up junkie who can't keep it in his pan-"
"I'm warning you!" Loudly I yell, swinging my fist backwards, before it gets chance to make contact with the figure a hand clenches around my wrist, pinning it against my back. "Oooft." Forcefully I'm pushed against the nearest wall.
"You're warning me?!" Pressing his forehead against my temple, suddenly there's a mixture of emotions running through my body. A mixture of anger and fear.
After a few minutes of squirming and not getting anywhere, I give up. He's too strong for me to fight. "What...what do you want from me?"
"I'm going to make your life a living hell, sunshine." He smirks against my neck, which brings a sickness into the pit of my stomach by his contact.
"I...I...I haven't done anything?"
Shaking his head, he grips my arm tighten, if I move now there's a possibility that he will break it. "You stitched me up, Barlow. Remember that?" Thinking back to my time in Ibiza, it slowly starts to flood back into my mind. "...You blabbed to my wife about me being a dealer all because I didn't want to supply you with any. After all them sob stories you gave me about the lovely Mark, you cost me my family. I'm never going to see my little boy again all because of your big fucking mouth." Slamming the side of my head against the wall, finally he releases my arm, leaving me now curled up in the corner.
"But...but I..." Its very rear that I get scared, but right now I'm terrified. Rubbing my slightly aching arm, I glance up at the male who paces the living room. "...I didn't...know...I was drunk... I wouldn't of taken the drugs if you gave them me, I was just upset over Mark's email..."
"So you ruin a man's life?!" He bellows across the room, almost bursting my ear drums. "...Just because your happy life has ended doesn't mean you should drag everyone else down with you! You didn't even stick around for the show. You missed the lot. A shame you didn't see what my wife had to say about it all. Maybe she would of congratulated you for showing her the light?! But no, you scurried off and ended up laying on the beach. When I found you lying there, I felt like drowning you when I had the chance, I was tempted...believe me." If I'm not already scared, I'm absolutely petrified now. I could of been killed and I might of not of known what was going on due to the amount of booze I guzzled down my throat that night. Never again would I of set foot back in this house, this country, and never would I of seen my family, Mark or our unborn daughter. Tears burn in my eyes, but for now I use the remaining strength I have to pull off being a man. "...I decided to take you back to your room...and planned using your details when to visit you. And...well...here I am."
Gritting my teeth together, I try to piece back the memory of Ibiza back into my mind, but for now it stays a misty blur. "So... you want revenge right? Well...come on then...beat me to a pulp! That's what I deserve, isn't it?" I press. A few cuts and bruises shouldn't be too bad, but then again I've got to present an award show next week...that will be hard to disguise. Edging closer, he gives me a quick eye up before stepping away again.
"No. That would get you off lightly... I've got things in mind, but they're for me to know...-"
"And me to find out." I scoff at the typical phrase.
"What time is Mark here in the morning?" He glares at me, whilst searching around the living room for something.
"Not until mid afternoon. That's when I want you gone. Mark doesn't need this, he doesn't need any of it."
Rolling his eyes, he bends down to me in the corner. "In that case...we better get some shut eye, but before I do...I'm going to need your phone."
"M...My phone?"
"Do you really think I'm going to trust you? No, there's no escaping I'm afraid. Now hand it over..."
Swallowing hard, I release my hand from my arm where it instantly jumps to my pocket containing my mobile. "...A...And if I don't...?"
Moving his hand to the back of him, he pulls something hand size out from his jeans back pocket. A rectangular black metal object comes into my view. Hitting the small button at the side of the object, suddenly a blade shoots out which almost comes into contact with my throat. Backing away swiftly as soon as my eyes set onto the blade, I come to a stand still as the wall hits against my back. "Phone." Bluntly he commands. Without giving it a seconds thought, my hand dives into my pocket immediately handing over my mobile, as if I'm under a spell. "Good boy." Patting the top of my head, he stumbles back to his feet, placing the small knife out of sight once again. Once the fear dies down inside of me, that's when it hits me. The story Greg told me in Ibiza about him being an ex army solider. I guess that explains the type of Swiss army weapon he's carrying and of course his commanding attitude. "...I'm taking the keys with me as well. We better get some kip before lover boy gets here tomorrow. Don't bother crawling into bed with me tonight, I don't swing that way." He gives me a wicked smile before disappearing into the hallway. Holding my head in my hands, shakily I breathe. This can't be real, Its almost like I'm a prisoner in my own house. I need to get away. I need Mark.
--------------------
Mark's POV
There's a strange feeling in the air as I begin my journey to our house. The feeling which has become quite frequent now a days. Getting back on track with Gary still makes me speechless... I've been so lost and hurt without him. Hopefully we can put the past in the past and see how bright our future will be. The typical sound of crunching gravel underneath the car wheels sounds as I pull up onto the drive way. Lightly I smile at the half drawn curtains in the living room. If Gary hasn't missed me I'm pretty sure the house has, my touch is needed and fast. Jumping out of the dark green Land Rover, neatly I perch my trilby onto my head, before smartening myself up. As soon as Gary opens that front door, I know I'm going to get a lecture about what I'm wearing. "Mark, why are you dressed as if you're about to wine and dine? We're going to be pratting around painting all day and you'll only ruin your gear!" Silently I laugh to myself thinking about what exactly Gary will say about how I've presented myself today. Not wanting to think about it for too long, softly I knock against the glass on the front door. There's no movement from the other side, which is unfamiliar.
"Gaz?" I call after a minute of waiting. Maybe he's in the shower? I question myself, but then again he did tell me to come at this time...even if I am ten minutes late. "Gary? Its me."
After a further five minutes, a muffled voice speaks. "Y...Yeah...one sec." Sharply he clears his throat whilst fiddling with the keys. Before I even get chance to blink, the door swings open and there stands Gary in the exact same clothes on which I saw him in yesterday.
"Were you that excited about seeing me you couldn't sleep?" Poking fun at the serious looking man who is holding tightly to the door, instantly I regret it just seconds later. "...Oh...sorry."
"H...huh?" Forcing out a smile, the sun rays shine onto his face, showing his pale looking skin and tired looking eyes, causing worry to sound in my voice.
"Oh...gosh, Gaz. Are you OK?" Placing a supportive hand onto his shoulder, swiftly he backs away by my touch and fear shows in his eyes. "...Gary?"
Gary's POV
Keeping the door wedged in between me and Mark, Greg hides behind it whilst he keeps a close eye on me. "...S...Sorry...You've caught me...at...at a bad time." I stutter out, as I feel the coldness of the blade stroke against my back.
"Bad time?" Mark frowns. "...But you told me this time? Is it because I'm late?"
Greg presses the blade more on its edge, but not pressing it into my flesh. "Get rid..." Very faintly he whispers.
"N...no...no course not." Standing here with shaky legs its hard to hold it together, but I have no choice. Not only is my life in danger, but Mark's is also. "...Something has come up... I'm sorry Mark."
Crossing his arms across his chest, looking slightly annoyed, he steps closer so his feet sit on the door step. "...I can wait then. We can at least talk about it...can't put my visit to waste can we? Besides...I'm gagging for a coffee and a natter."
What I wouldn't give to just escape from all of this. Why couldn't he just seek his revenge last night instead of going to such drastic measures. "I...I'm...sorry...but...but I want you..." Inhaling an inaudible deep breath, briefly I close my eyes as the words slip from my lips as a whisper. "...To leave."
Hurt shows on Mark's face, hurt which I've once again created. "...I...I thought...I thought we were back on track now?" Holding back his tears, his voice sounds rough and shaky.
"W...We are...I just can't see you right now."
"Give me one good reason why not?!" Unexpectedly he shouts at me, making my nerves shoot through the roof. Greg sniggers as quietly as he can.
"I...I...I can't..."
Shaking his head, angrily he smirks at me. "You're pathetic. You just wanted to stick the knife in one last time, eh?" If only he knew how true sounding that actually is. "...You've blew it. Well and truly blew it!" A tear drips from his right eye, before he runs a hand across his cheek.
"M...Mark...I'm...so-"
"Forget it. Just...Just don't bother." Tears burn in his eyes as he spins around and walks back over to his parked car.
"Mark wa-"
"Don't you dare." Greg pulls me backwards, before slamming the front door. Behind the closed door the sound of Mark's car engine starts. Dropping to my knees in the hallway still with my hand gripped to the door handle, Greg sprints into the living room. The car screeches off the driveway by Mark's careless driving. The back of my head makes contact with the nearest wall whilst I pull my knees up to my chest. "So...that's him is it? Got a good look of him. Nothing to look at, skinny wimp."
Trying to get a steady breathing pattern back my heart continues to race in my chest. "...If anything happens to him. You're going to regret it."
"Bit late for that." Walking back into the hallway, Greg now stands in front of me, placing the knife back into his shirt pocket. "...I've already got my revenge plotted."
"...W...What...?" Spitting out the words, sleepily I look up at the man who is grinning down at me.
Nodding his head, he barks out a laugh. "...I'm going to kill him."
Greg wonders off into the living room, leaving me behind feeling incredibly confused and slightly angry. Storming into the room after him, my heart rate increases. "How...How did you find me?"
"You're not very good at keeping yourself safe, are you?" He smirks, tossing something against my chest. Glancing down, my eyes fix onto the medium sized leather square which now sits in front of my feet.
"M...My wallet, but h-"
"Remember? You passed out, you were wasted so I took you back to the hotel room." Slumping down onto the sofa, as if its his own, there's that evil glare in his eyes again.
"So you decided to take my wallet? You had no right!" Grabbing hold of my wallet, frantically I search through each one of the departments, making sure everything is still in the right order.
"I haven't taken anything."
"Good." Partly I growl stuffing the wallet out of sight into my back pocket. "I think its best if you leave, Mark's round tomorrow and I don't want anything to go wro-"
"Mark?" His eyes lighten by the name. "That toss pot who cheated on you?"
"Don't...Just don't."
Removing his self from the sofa again, Greg now stands in front of me, just inches away from my face. "...The guy who has a child by another woman...?"
"Stop it..." Merely I whisper, as my body very lightly begins to shake.
"He doesn't love you. Look at you. Look at him." Turning his head, he glances over at the fire place which contains small frames and on the left hand side proudly sits Mark's certificate from rehab. "Classy... that's exactly what your guests want to see. A washed up junkie who can't keep it in his pan-"
"I'm warning you!" Loudly I yell, swinging my fist backwards, before it gets chance to make contact with the figure a hand clenches around my wrist, pinning it against my back. "Oooft." Forcefully I'm pushed against the nearest wall.
"You're warning me?!" Pressing his forehead against my temple, suddenly there's a mixture of emotions running through my body. A mixture of anger and fear.
After a few minutes of squirming and not getting anywhere, I give up. He's too strong for me to fight. "What...what do you want from me?"
"I'm going to make your life a living hell, sunshine." He smirks against my neck, which brings a sickness into the pit of my stomach by his contact.
"I...I...I haven't done anything?"
Shaking his head, he grips my arm tighten, if I move now there's a possibility that he will break it. "You stitched me up, Barlow. Remember that?" Thinking back to my time in Ibiza, it slowly starts to flood back into my mind. "...You blabbed to my wife about me being a dealer all because I didn't want to supply you with any. After all them sob stories you gave me about the lovely Mark, you cost me my family. I'm never going to see my little boy again all because of your big fucking mouth." Slamming the side of my head against the wall, finally he releases my arm, leaving me now curled up in the corner.
"But...but I..." Its very rear that I get scared, but right now I'm terrified. Rubbing my slightly aching arm, I glance up at the male who paces the living room. "...I didn't...know...I was drunk... I wouldn't of taken the drugs if you gave them me, I was just upset over Mark's email..."
"So you ruin a man's life?!" He bellows across the room, almost bursting my ear drums. "...Just because your happy life has ended doesn't mean you should drag everyone else down with you! You didn't even stick around for the show. You missed the lot. A shame you didn't see what my wife had to say about it all. Maybe she would of congratulated you for showing her the light?! But no, you scurried off and ended up laying on the beach. When I found you lying there, I felt like drowning you when I had the chance, I was tempted...believe me." If I'm not already scared, I'm absolutely petrified now. I could of been killed and I might of not of known what was going on due to the amount of booze I guzzled down my throat that night. Never again would I of set foot back in this house, this country, and never would I of seen my family, Mark or our unborn daughter. Tears burn in my eyes, but for now I use the remaining strength I have to pull off being a man. "...I decided to take you back to your room...and planned using your details when to visit you. And...well...here I am."
Gritting my teeth together, I try to piece back the memory of Ibiza back into my mind, but for now it stays a misty blur. "So... you want revenge right? Well...come on then...beat me to a pulp! That's what I deserve, isn't it?" I press. A few cuts and bruises shouldn't be too bad, but then again I've got to present an award show next week...that will be hard to disguise. Edging closer, he gives me a quick eye up before stepping away again.
"No. That would get you off lightly... I've got things in mind, but they're for me to know...-"
"And me to find out." I scoff at the typical phrase.
"What time is Mark here in the morning?" He glares at me, whilst searching around the living room for something.
"Not until mid afternoon. That's when I want you gone. Mark doesn't need this, he doesn't need any of it."
Rolling his eyes, he bends down to me in the corner. "In that case...we better get some shut eye, but before I do...I'm going to need your phone."
"M...My phone?"
"Do you really think I'm going to trust you? No, there's no escaping I'm afraid. Now hand it over..."
Swallowing hard, I release my hand from my arm where it instantly jumps to my pocket containing my mobile. "...A...And if I don't...?"
Moving his hand to the back of him, he pulls something hand size out from his jeans back pocket. A rectangular black metal object comes into my view. Hitting the small button at the side of the object, suddenly a blade shoots out which almost comes into contact with my throat. Backing away swiftly as soon as my eyes set onto the blade, I come to a stand still as the wall hits against my back. "Phone." Bluntly he commands. Without giving it a seconds thought, my hand dives into my pocket immediately handing over my mobile, as if I'm under a spell. "Good boy." Patting the top of my head, he stumbles back to his feet, placing the small knife out of sight once again. Once the fear dies down inside of me, that's when it hits me. The story Greg told me in Ibiza about him being an ex army solider. I guess that explains the type of Swiss army weapon he's carrying and of course his commanding attitude. "...I'm taking the keys with me as well. We better get some kip before lover boy gets here tomorrow. Don't bother crawling into bed with me tonight, I don't swing that way." He gives me a wicked smile before disappearing into the hallway. Holding my head in my hands, shakily I breathe. This can't be real, Its almost like I'm a prisoner in my own house. I need to get away. I need Mark.
--------------------
Mark's POV
There's a strange feeling in the air as I begin my journey to our house. The feeling which has become quite frequent now a days. Getting back on track with Gary still makes me speechless... I've been so lost and hurt without him. Hopefully we can put the past in the past and see how bright our future will be. The typical sound of crunching gravel underneath the car wheels sounds as I pull up onto the drive way. Lightly I smile at the half drawn curtains in the living room. If Gary hasn't missed me I'm pretty sure the house has, my touch is needed and fast. Jumping out of the dark green Land Rover, neatly I perch my trilby onto my head, before smartening myself up. As soon as Gary opens that front door, I know I'm going to get a lecture about what I'm wearing. "Mark, why are you dressed as if you're about to wine and dine? We're going to be pratting around painting all day and you'll only ruin your gear!" Silently I laugh to myself thinking about what exactly Gary will say about how I've presented myself today. Not wanting to think about it for too long, softly I knock against the glass on the front door. There's no movement from the other side, which is unfamiliar.
"Gaz?" I call after a minute of waiting. Maybe he's in the shower? I question myself, but then again he did tell me to come at this time...even if I am ten minutes late. "Gary? Its me."
After a further five minutes, a muffled voice speaks. "Y...Yeah...one sec." Sharply he clears his throat whilst fiddling with the keys. Before I even get chance to blink, the door swings open and there stands Gary in the exact same clothes on which I saw him in yesterday.
"Were you that excited about seeing me you couldn't sleep?" Poking fun at the serious looking man who is holding tightly to the door, instantly I regret it just seconds later. "...Oh...sorry."
"H...huh?" Forcing out a smile, the sun rays shine onto his face, showing his pale looking skin and tired looking eyes, causing worry to sound in my voice.
"Oh...gosh, Gaz. Are you OK?" Placing a supportive hand onto his shoulder, swiftly he backs away by my touch and fear shows in his eyes. "...Gary?"
Gary's POV
Keeping the door wedged in between me and Mark, Greg hides behind it whilst he keeps a close eye on me. "...S...Sorry...You've caught me...at...at a bad time." I stutter out, as I feel the coldness of the blade stroke against my back.
"Bad time?" Mark frowns. "...But you told me this time? Is it because I'm late?"
Greg presses the blade more on its edge, but not pressing it into my flesh. "Get rid..." Very faintly he whispers.
"N...no...no course not." Standing here with shaky legs its hard to hold it together, but I have no choice. Not only is my life in danger, but Mark's is also. "...Something has come up... I'm sorry Mark."
Crossing his arms across his chest, looking slightly annoyed, he steps closer so his feet sit on the door step. "...I can wait then. We can at least talk about it...can't put my visit to waste can we? Besides...I'm gagging for a coffee and a natter."
What I wouldn't give to just escape from all of this. Why couldn't he just seek his revenge last night instead of going to such drastic measures. "I...I'm...sorry...but...but I want you..." Inhaling an inaudible deep breath, briefly I close my eyes as the words slip from my lips as a whisper. "...To leave."
Hurt shows on Mark's face, hurt which I've once again created. "...I...I thought...I thought we were back on track now?" Holding back his tears, his voice sounds rough and shaky.
"W...We are...I just can't see you right now."
"Give me one good reason why not?!" Unexpectedly he shouts at me, making my nerves shoot through the roof. Greg sniggers as quietly as he can.
"I...I...I can't..."
Shaking his head, angrily he smirks at me. "You're pathetic. You just wanted to stick the knife in one last time, eh?" If only he knew how true sounding that actually is. "...You've blew it. Well and truly blew it!" A tear drips from his right eye, before he runs a hand across his cheek.
"M...Mark...I'm...so-"
"Forget it. Just...Just don't bother." Tears burn in his eyes as he spins around and walks back over to his parked car.
"Mark wa-"
"Don't you dare." Greg pulls me backwards, before slamming the front door. Behind the closed door the sound of Mark's car engine starts. Dropping to my knees in the hallway still with my hand gripped to the door handle, Greg sprints into the living room. The car screeches off the driveway by Mark's careless driving. The back of my head makes contact with the nearest wall whilst I pull my knees up to my chest. "So...that's him is it? Got a good look of him. Nothing to look at, skinny wimp."
Trying to get a steady breathing pattern back my heart continues to race in my chest. "...If anything happens to him. You're going to regret it."
"Bit late for that." Walking back into the hallway, Greg now stands in front of me, placing the knife back into his shirt pocket. "...I've already got my revenge plotted."
"...W...What...?" Spitting out the words, sleepily I look up at the man who is grinning down at me.
Nodding his head, he barks out a laugh. "...I'm going to kill him."
Tuesday 16 September 2014
chapter 49
Mark's POV
"A week in Ibiza? Wow... lucky you..." Forcing out a smile, I place a mug onto the table in front of the blonde male.
"Yeah...it was sort of a last minute thing, you know?" Tensing instantly, he avoids eye contact with me as I sit opposite him at the kitchen table.
Lightly nodding my head, gently I drum my fingers against the handle of my mug. "Kinda gathered that one..." Softly I release a laugh.
After a few seconds of silence, Gary finally connects his eyes with mine again. "I didn't do it to upset you, Mark...I just..." Skimming his fingers across his forehead, he tries to find the right words. "...After our conversation...finally speaking to someone about how I felt and what I went through...It just brought it all back...I had to get away..."
"Its ok...I understand..."
"You do?" He asks, puzzled over my reply.
"Yeah...I shouldn't of pushed it out of you. It didn't upset me...that much..."
Sipping his tea, he mumbles against the warm liquid hitting his lips. "Your email suggested otherwise."
Like a knife through the heart, the sadness on Gary's face sends a shiver down my spine. He read it. He actually received the email. It must of broke his heart, the final part, I broke it with my cruel words. "G...Ga..Gary I-"
Lifting his hand, he stops my excuse and begs for forgiveness. "Its fine, Mark. Its understandable...I've been a selfish jerk...and I didn't stop and think about you...everything which you went through and then I go leaving you in the dark...it wasn't fair...it still isn't."
"We're both to blame, Gaz. Me mainly...of course... how are feeling now you're home? Well...back in the UK..."
Glossing his lips with his tongue, faintly he smiles. "Can't beat home...can you? I guess Ibiza isn't all what it makes out to be..."
"Oh yeah, can't beat our wet summers. Ibiza must of been torture." Winking at him, quietly I smirk at my sarcasm.
"No...seriously...Its the last time I'm going there..."
Rising an eyebrow over Gary's serious tone, I shuffle my chair forwards as close as I can get to the table. "Gaz...what happened in Ibiza...?"
Tensing by my question, the worry builds in his face. "I...I...Well..." Clearing his throat, he fingers run through his hair. "T...The thing is-" Gary's confession is soon brought to an end, as the sound of soft cries interrupt him. "Oh...er..."
"No...carry on...he will be ok for a couple of seconds..." Reassuring him, gently I place my hand on top of his.
"I...I...no...I'll go...I'll check him." Pushing back his chair, within a blink of an eye, he's standing above me, heading back to the leaving room.
"Oh...ok...thanks..."
---------------------------
"Are you sure you want to be traipsing around a park? Are you not jet lagged?"
"Honest, Mark. Stop fussing." Gary looks up at me whilst resting on his knees, placing a shoe onto each one of the little boy's feet. "...Good to have the practise...isn't it?" Standing back to his feet, there's a small gap in between our bodies. For a second or two we just stand facing one another, gazing into each others eyes. Gary's eyes study my lips which are tightly pressed together.
"Y...Yeah...It is..." I croak.
"Mmuuhhh..." Callum murmurs.
With our lips just inches away, the sound of the distressed groans coming from the small figure below us, prevents them from touching. "...Looks like someone hasn't got the patience." Gary laughs. "...Just like his father..."
"Oi!" Tapping his shoulder, quickly I sling my coat onto my back, before grabbing hold of the over stuffed baby bag. "It must of rubbed off on me..."
"Its good to see you still have the same cheek you had before I left." He winks, whilst pushing the pushchair out of the front door.
"Some things will never change, Gary..." Happily I sigh, whilst locking the front door behind the two of us.
---------------------------
Sitting on a bench, the pair of sip our coffees whilst we watch over a close eye on the little boy who plays on the grass with his toy blocks, along side two other children who are slightly older than him. "Nice place is this, lad." Gary sits back against the bench into a more comfortable position.
"Yeah...its lovely. I spent many mornings down here after the sleepless nights I had within the months. Its nice and peaceful, especially on the frosty mornings."
"I can imagine... a shame not every parent enjoys time out with their little ones... oh and the deliveries have arrived at ou-... mine... the neighbour held onto them whilst I was away."
Feeling a crack form on my heart by Gary's word change, lightly I nod with a now tight throat. "That's good... you will have to let me know when you want to start decorating. Yasmin hasn't got long left now."
"She's really got a bump hasn't she?" He chuckles. "Bet Rob's really going through it, poor sod. Any sign of them getting back together?"
"They're getting along...so that's a start." Crossing my leg over the other, I rest my coffee beside me on the bench. "...I guess you can't ignore something like a relationship which you once had with that person... the memories you shared and the love you gave...it will never leave..."
Listening carefully, the smile disappears from his face once again. "Of course..." Firmly resting his back against the wood, his arms rise above his head. "Ahhh..."
"Tough flight?"
"Hmm... could say that. A bloody guy almost ended up sitting on my lap! Those seats are getting smaller...I tell ya."
Suppressing a giggle by his comment, playfully I jab a finger against his stomach. "...Sure its not any other reason...?"
"Cheeky git!" Grabbing hold of my hands in a fist, his fingers on his free hand dig frantically at my ribs.
"Gaz! Stop! Stop, that tickles!" Trying to worm my hands from within his, our laughs soon die down, as we gain eye contact. My hands remain inside Gary's warm palms whilst I pant for my breath back.
"Your hands are freezing..."
"...Lost me gloves..." Glancing down just briefly, I notice his thumb gliding across each one of my knuckles. "...Missed me then...?"
Warmly Gary smiles, releasing my hands to replace them by an arm which coils around my back. "I always miss you...I never stopped thinking about you since I left..." Lowering his tone, shyly he confesses.
"You're always in my thoughts, Gaz." Brushing my fingertip against the light stubble on his cheek, he releases a silent sigh of happiness. "...So...what exactly happened in Ibiza? You never got to that part." Snuggling up to the older man for warmth, but mainly for comfort, I blink my eyelashes up at him. Again, he tenses by the question.
"Nothing really..." He replies after a few minutes of thinking, possibly trying to avoid the question once again. "...Just that the people over there aren't as pleasant as the brochure makes out to be..."
"What's that suppose to-" Sharp cries interrupt our quiet moment together. Immediately our heads shoot into the direction of the cries and my heart skips multiple beats. Knocking my coffee to the floor as I sprint over just a couple of inches away, I kneel beside Callum. "Cal? Oh baby." Cuddling him into my arms, Gary is already on his knees beside in a flash.
"He's fallen off the ball, Mark." Gary points out at the ball which is rolling out of sight down the bank. Callum's going through one of those phases where he sees something in sight he has to sit on it and this time its resulted in a grazed knee from the pavement. Scattering kisses along the small child's forehead, I wrap his leg in my over sized scarf just for now, until we get home and get it properly seen to.
Gary's POV
After another hour in Mark's company I finally calmed him down enough to make him realise that children go through all these bumps and bangs as part of growing up. Once I explained to him for the fifteen time that it was only a slight graze to the knee and not an amputation, it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to leave, of course I didn't, but I need to be home to unpack. Tomorrow we've arranged again to meet, but sadly without Callum this time, as Laura will be back to pick him up. That means we can spend the day working on the nursery in preparation for when Hannah is born.
Walking into the empty house, once the front door is locked, carelessly I throw the keys into the small dish in the hallway. Hanging up my coat and scarf, for a split second I just stand still glancing around the place. I do miss Mark, I miss him more than its physically possible to miss someone. I just miss what we use to be, I miss coming home after a stressful day and just cuddling on the sofa watching some lame movie he's stuck on in attempt to cheer me up. Releasing a deep sigh, I turn on the kitchen light, before filling up the kettle and turning it on. Me and Mark aren't a couple just yet, before I left to go to Ibiza, we decided to make a go of things again and before I left tonight we agreed to continue where we left off. I really hope we can get back to what we use to be, I miss the laughs, the love and most of all Mark. Smiling to myself with my arms folded across my chest, suddenly I'm stopped in my actions. Turning my head to the direction of the dark hallway, I quiver a brow at the dark figure standing on the other side of the door. "Mark...?" Softly I mutter under my breath. The fist knocks against the glass again, striding down the hallway, my hand instantly grabs hold of the keys, shoving them into the lock within a blink of an eye. "I knew you couldn't stay away from me for too long, Mr Owen." Laughing to myself, the key clicks and very slowly I open the door. "I've just boiled the kettle, I'm sure you're gagging for-" That's when my sentence is cut off. Words fail to leave my lips due to the shock. Staring at the figure who stands on my doorstep, a shiver runs down my spin just by the look of them. "...W...What...What are you doing here...?" Swallowing hard, I begin to stutter.
"Coffee? Sounds good to me." Rubbing his hands together in attempt to warm them up, he brushes past me before I even get chance to believe my eyes. Spinning around on my heels, I look at the tall, dark man in pure horror.
"H...H...How did... did you find me, Greg...?" Speaking just those simple words causes a wicked smile to spread across his face. What have I let myself in for?
"A week in Ibiza? Wow... lucky you..." Forcing out a smile, I place a mug onto the table in front of the blonde male.
"Yeah...it was sort of a last minute thing, you know?" Tensing instantly, he avoids eye contact with me as I sit opposite him at the kitchen table.
Lightly nodding my head, gently I drum my fingers against the handle of my mug. "Kinda gathered that one..." Softly I release a laugh.
After a few seconds of silence, Gary finally connects his eyes with mine again. "I didn't do it to upset you, Mark...I just..." Skimming his fingers across his forehead, he tries to find the right words. "...After our conversation...finally speaking to someone about how I felt and what I went through...It just brought it all back...I had to get away..."
"Its ok...I understand..."
"You do?" He asks, puzzled over my reply.
"Yeah...I shouldn't of pushed it out of you. It didn't upset me...that much..."
Sipping his tea, he mumbles against the warm liquid hitting his lips. "Your email suggested otherwise."
Like a knife through the heart, the sadness on Gary's face sends a shiver down my spine. He read it. He actually received the email. It must of broke his heart, the final part, I broke it with my cruel words. "G...Ga..Gary I-"
Lifting his hand, he stops my excuse and begs for forgiveness. "Its fine, Mark. Its understandable...I've been a selfish jerk...and I didn't stop and think about you...everything which you went through and then I go leaving you in the dark...it wasn't fair...it still isn't."
"We're both to blame, Gaz. Me mainly...of course... how are feeling now you're home? Well...back in the UK..."
Glossing his lips with his tongue, faintly he smiles. "Can't beat home...can you? I guess Ibiza isn't all what it makes out to be..."
"Oh yeah, can't beat our wet summers. Ibiza must of been torture." Winking at him, quietly I smirk at my sarcasm.
"No...seriously...Its the last time I'm going there..."
Rising an eyebrow over Gary's serious tone, I shuffle my chair forwards as close as I can get to the table. "Gaz...what happened in Ibiza...?"
Tensing by my question, the worry builds in his face. "I...I...Well..." Clearing his throat, he fingers run through his hair. "T...The thing is-" Gary's confession is soon brought to an end, as the sound of soft cries interrupt him. "Oh...er..."
"No...carry on...he will be ok for a couple of seconds..." Reassuring him, gently I place my hand on top of his.
"I...I...no...I'll go...I'll check him." Pushing back his chair, within a blink of an eye, he's standing above me, heading back to the leaving room.
"Oh...ok...thanks..."
---------------------------
"Are you sure you want to be traipsing around a park? Are you not jet lagged?"
"Honest, Mark. Stop fussing." Gary looks up at me whilst resting on his knees, placing a shoe onto each one of the little boy's feet. "...Good to have the practise...isn't it?" Standing back to his feet, there's a small gap in between our bodies. For a second or two we just stand facing one another, gazing into each others eyes. Gary's eyes study my lips which are tightly pressed together.
"Y...Yeah...It is..." I croak.
"Mmuuhhh..." Callum murmurs.
With our lips just inches away, the sound of the distressed groans coming from the small figure below us, prevents them from touching. "...Looks like someone hasn't got the patience." Gary laughs. "...Just like his father..."
"Oi!" Tapping his shoulder, quickly I sling my coat onto my back, before grabbing hold of the over stuffed baby bag. "It must of rubbed off on me..."
"Its good to see you still have the same cheek you had before I left." He winks, whilst pushing the pushchair out of the front door.
"Some things will never change, Gary..." Happily I sigh, whilst locking the front door behind the two of us.
---------------------------
Sitting on a bench, the pair of sip our coffees whilst we watch over a close eye on the little boy who plays on the grass with his toy blocks, along side two other children who are slightly older than him. "Nice place is this, lad." Gary sits back against the bench into a more comfortable position.
"Yeah...its lovely. I spent many mornings down here after the sleepless nights I had within the months. Its nice and peaceful, especially on the frosty mornings."
"I can imagine... a shame not every parent enjoys time out with their little ones... oh and the deliveries have arrived at ou-... mine... the neighbour held onto them whilst I was away."
Feeling a crack form on my heart by Gary's word change, lightly I nod with a now tight throat. "That's good... you will have to let me know when you want to start decorating. Yasmin hasn't got long left now."
"She's really got a bump hasn't she?" He chuckles. "Bet Rob's really going through it, poor sod. Any sign of them getting back together?"
"They're getting along...so that's a start." Crossing my leg over the other, I rest my coffee beside me on the bench. "...I guess you can't ignore something like a relationship which you once had with that person... the memories you shared and the love you gave...it will never leave..."
Listening carefully, the smile disappears from his face once again. "Of course..." Firmly resting his back against the wood, his arms rise above his head. "Ahhh..."
"Tough flight?"
"Hmm... could say that. A bloody guy almost ended up sitting on my lap! Those seats are getting smaller...I tell ya."
Suppressing a giggle by his comment, playfully I jab a finger against his stomach. "...Sure its not any other reason...?"
"Cheeky git!" Grabbing hold of my hands in a fist, his fingers on his free hand dig frantically at my ribs.
"Gaz! Stop! Stop, that tickles!" Trying to worm my hands from within his, our laughs soon die down, as we gain eye contact. My hands remain inside Gary's warm palms whilst I pant for my breath back.
"Your hands are freezing..."
"...Lost me gloves..." Glancing down just briefly, I notice his thumb gliding across each one of my knuckles. "...Missed me then...?"
Warmly Gary smiles, releasing my hands to replace them by an arm which coils around my back. "I always miss you...I never stopped thinking about you since I left..." Lowering his tone, shyly he confesses.
"You're always in my thoughts, Gaz." Brushing my fingertip against the light stubble on his cheek, he releases a silent sigh of happiness. "...So...what exactly happened in Ibiza? You never got to that part." Snuggling up to the older man for warmth, but mainly for comfort, I blink my eyelashes up at him. Again, he tenses by the question.
"Nothing really..." He replies after a few minutes of thinking, possibly trying to avoid the question once again. "...Just that the people over there aren't as pleasant as the brochure makes out to be..."
"What's that suppose to-" Sharp cries interrupt our quiet moment together. Immediately our heads shoot into the direction of the cries and my heart skips multiple beats. Knocking my coffee to the floor as I sprint over just a couple of inches away, I kneel beside Callum. "Cal? Oh baby." Cuddling him into my arms, Gary is already on his knees beside in a flash.
"He's fallen off the ball, Mark." Gary points out at the ball which is rolling out of sight down the bank. Callum's going through one of those phases where he sees something in sight he has to sit on it and this time its resulted in a grazed knee from the pavement. Scattering kisses along the small child's forehead, I wrap his leg in my over sized scarf just for now, until we get home and get it properly seen to.
Gary's POV
After another hour in Mark's company I finally calmed him down enough to make him realise that children go through all these bumps and bangs as part of growing up. Once I explained to him for the fifteen time that it was only a slight graze to the knee and not an amputation, it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to leave, of course I didn't, but I need to be home to unpack. Tomorrow we've arranged again to meet, but sadly without Callum this time, as Laura will be back to pick him up. That means we can spend the day working on the nursery in preparation for when Hannah is born.
Walking into the empty house, once the front door is locked, carelessly I throw the keys into the small dish in the hallway. Hanging up my coat and scarf, for a split second I just stand still glancing around the place. I do miss Mark, I miss him more than its physically possible to miss someone. I just miss what we use to be, I miss coming home after a stressful day and just cuddling on the sofa watching some lame movie he's stuck on in attempt to cheer me up. Releasing a deep sigh, I turn on the kitchen light, before filling up the kettle and turning it on. Me and Mark aren't a couple just yet, before I left to go to Ibiza, we decided to make a go of things again and before I left tonight we agreed to continue where we left off. I really hope we can get back to what we use to be, I miss the laughs, the love and most of all Mark. Smiling to myself with my arms folded across my chest, suddenly I'm stopped in my actions. Turning my head to the direction of the dark hallway, I quiver a brow at the dark figure standing on the other side of the door. "Mark...?" Softly I mutter under my breath. The fist knocks against the glass again, striding down the hallway, my hand instantly grabs hold of the keys, shoving them into the lock within a blink of an eye. "I knew you couldn't stay away from me for too long, Mr Owen." Laughing to myself, the key clicks and very slowly I open the door. "I've just boiled the kettle, I'm sure you're gagging for-" That's when my sentence is cut off. Words fail to leave my lips due to the shock. Staring at the figure who stands on my doorstep, a shiver runs down my spin just by the look of them. "...W...What...What are you doing here...?" Swallowing hard, I begin to stutter.
"Coffee? Sounds good to me." Rubbing his hands together in attempt to warm them up, he brushes past me before I even get chance to believe my eyes. Spinning around on my heels, I look at the tall, dark man in pure horror.
"H...H...How did... did you find me, Greg...?" Speaking just those simple words causes a wicked smile to spread across his face. What have I let myself in for?
Saturday 30 August 2014
Chapter 48
Mark's POV
Taping the keys on the keyboard, shakily I breathe. "This can't be real, this cannot be true." Muttering under my breath, my surroundings are blocked by my terrified thoughts. This is it. Gary is now officially going to hate me, for real this time. Every hope of getting back together has now been crushed. "Why?" Loudly I hiss at the screen, slamming the lid shut. "Stupid! Stupid man, Mark Owen!" My head hits against the lid of the laptop, whilst my hands nervously rake through my hair. Suddenly the feel of something touching my shoulder, causes me to jump out of my skin. "AH!"
"Mark?" Standing now in front of me, is a confused and concerned heavily pregnant woman.
"Now is not the time, Yaz." Sitting onto the edge of the bed, hands press against my forehead, whilst I begin to try and hatch up a plan to solve this.
"Has something happened with Gary? Mark? Speak to me...?" Placing a supportive hand onto my back, emotions wash over me. I'm tied between wanting to bawl my eyes out and wanting to scream at the top of my lungs, but for now I hold them back.
"I've truly fucked up this time, Yaz. For real."
Exhaling a sigh, she pulls me closer. "I'm sure that's not true, Mark. You haven't even been in contact with him, have you?"
"No..." I shake my head. "I was just so desperate to speak to him... it was a stupid idea...something i'm going to regret doing until the day I die now..."
"You know that Gary will speak to you when he's back. He just needs time to start a fresh and clear his head...I'm sure it wasn't that bad...what exactly have you done?"
Pulling away from her embrace, I vaguely stare at the closed laptop resting on the desk in front of my vision. "I needed answers...I'm sick of being left in the dark. He just took off and left me without a say so and leaving me the way he did...telling me all these new things...for what? A joke?"
"Mark!" Snapping at me unexpectedly. "Never would Gary do that for a joke. He's upset, you're upset. You need to understand that its harder for him than it is for you."
"I'm always the one to blame aren't I? The evil one! The one who has ruined Gary's life! But at least Rob understands me! At least he knows what I'm going through and yes I fucking regret sending that email!" Deeply breathing, Yasmin blinks her eyes at me.
"Email?"
Rubbing the palms of my hands against my heavy feeling eyes, I release an exhausted sigh. "Yes. Rob told me to write my feelings down about this whole situation and I got too carried, then I got called down before I could delete it...and somehow...Its been...Its been sent to him..."
"Wait...this was today right?" Nodding my head weakly, words fail to leave my mouth. There's no point in talking anymore, I've said enough. "And this email was addressed to Gary?"
"Yep..." Quietly I whisper.
"Oh...and it was left on that laptop...when you went down to sort out Callum...?"
Lifting my head gradually, a smudge of guilt spreads across Yasmin's face. "N...no...you...you didn't...?"
----------------------------------
{One Week Later...}
"Come on, Bud. Give us a smile for Daddy?" The little boy shakes his head in pure annoyance, as he continues to screech at the top of his lungs. "Milk? Do you want more milk?" Hitting his fists against the toy blocks, his screams become louder almost bursting my ear drums. "What about a slice of apple?" What's the use in talking, its not like I'll get a reply I barely get a grumble ever since Laura dropped him off a few days ago, but then again at 7 months old he's not really going to have a full blown conversation with me, is he? Lining up the blocks which have numerously been tossed across the room in frustration, neatly I place four blocks in front of the little boy's view. "Can you say this word?" Pointing to each block, I smile proudly at my Son. "G- A - R - Y. Can you say that? Ga-ry?" For a second, the crying has stopped, as his eyes focus on the coloured wooden blocks sitting in front of him. Watching my lips, his eyes flick from my mouth back to the small lettering. "Ga. Can you say, Ga?" Opening his mouth, again a vague expression fills his face. At the moment he's too young to say full sentences, but Callum can babble a few words here and there, he's even able to wobble around on his bum, also attempting to stand, but that wont be a for a good few months yet. It saddens me, that I've missed a good chunk of my Son's life, including the birth, not even knowing of his existence until a couple of months ago. Gary is still away and we haven't spoken since Robbie's birthday which was over one week ago now, god knows if he's even going to come back home, but then again with Hannah due soon he has to, right? There still hasn't been any sign whether or not he's read the email which I wrote and Yasmin sent, by accident of course. Out of nowhere a faint noise catches my attention. Pulling my head out of my thoughts, I stare down at a pair of smiling lips.
"G...G...Ga...G...Ga....GaaGaa."
With a wide eyed expression, proudly a grin beams across my face. "That's it! Good boy! Oh gosh...good boy." Lifting the fleshy body into my arms, I plant a wet kiss against the light hair on the centre of the child's head, as I continue to cuddle him. "Good boy..." It hits me, sadly it hits me- that Gary isn't here to hear it himself. My own Son has almost spoken Gary's name and he isn't here to witness it.
Settling Callum back down onto the bean bag, I reach for the remote. "M...Meeeh....nuuuh." He sulks, whilst I flick through the different child programs.
"Oh come on, you love this show." Placing the remote next to me on the floor, I rest on my knees beside the bean bag, just sipping my coffee whilst the programme begins to start. A pink pig jumps onto the screen introducing its family with a loud snort for each one. Peppa Pig is one of Callum's favourites and ever since he arrived here I'm pretty sure I could act out each episode, but today Callum is having none of it. Something is bothering him and I just can't figure out what exactly it is. Searching around the carpet which has scattered toys all over it, finally it springs to mind. "Your dummy? Do you want your dum dum?" Once again the crying stops by my question. "I wont be a sec." Skipping into the kitchen, immediately I glance around for a pacifier. There's got to be one around here somewhere, why do children find it necessary to throw everything in sight? Life would be a lot easier if they didn't. The child's cries increases in volume due to my disappearance. "Its OK, I'm still here! Just getting Mr Dum Dum." I reply, noticing a red pacifier sitting on the very top shelf in the medical cupboard. "Here he is!" Tip toeing whilst my arm stretches up towards the shelf, its no good. I'm too short. A niggling pain enters my head, possibly from the lack of sleep I've had over the past days and of course from Callum's constant crying, babies are good at sensing their parents moods. "I'm coming! I'm coming back!" I call into the room, as my knees rest on top of the work top before pulling my whole body up onto it. Now sitting on the worktop on my knees I grab hold of the pacifier. In my surprise the crying has come to an abrupt stop, soon to be replaced by soft cooing. "Cal? Are you OK?" Nervously I question, as I remain on the worktop. The only sound which now can be heard from the living room, is the finishing titles of Peppa Pig. Thinking of the worst, swiftly I exist the kitchen with the thoughts of pure horror hovering around my head. "CAL-" Once entering the living room, my sentence promptly gets cut off. Unexpectedly a figure stands in front of the window, as the little boy is comfortably rested in the arms of the figure, a man in fact, but not any man. Shuffling closer, I blink my eyes, as I shake my head in disbelief until finally I mutter out the single word. "G...G...Gary?"
Lifting his head into my direction, calmly a faint smile curls at the corners of his mouth. "He just wanted a cuddle...didn't you mate?" The back of Gary's hand delicately strokes against the boy's cheek, as his eyes begin to slowly close from the amount of crying, thankfully he's tired himself out already. Striding forward into Gary's company, I look down at my son, until mine and Gary's eyes meet for a brief moment. Bending down, Gary lays Callum back onto the bean bag, wrapping the thin blanket over the child's legs, before reconnecting his eyes with mine. "You're...You're back." He doesn't breathe a word, which doesn't really say much in answering my question. Hitting my fist against his bicep - not too hard, but enough to shock him. "Don't ever do that again!" I growl, until a smile manages to reach my face, trying to hold back the tears, I fail as they come flooding down my cheeks. He doesn't look mad at me and right now I can't even describe how I feel myself. Wrapping my arms tightly around his waist, my head drops against his chest, until what seems like minutes, Gary silently answers my hug.
"Yeah..." He sighs.
Taping the keys on the keyboard, shakily I breathe. "This can't be real, this cannot be true." Muttering under my breath, my surroundings are blocked by my terrified thoughts. This is it. Gary is now officially going to hate me, for real this time. Every hope of getting back together has now been crushed. "Why?" Loudly I hiss at the screen, slamming the lid shut. "Stupid! Stupid man, Mark Owen!" My head hits against the lid of the laptop, whilst my hands nervously rake through my hair. Suddenly the feel of something touching my shoulder, causes me to jump out of my skin. "AH!"
"Mark?" Standing now in front of me, is a confused and concerned heavily pregnant woman.
"Now is not the time, Yaz." Sitting onto the edge of the bed, hands press against my forehead, whilst I begin to try and hatch up a plan to solve this.
"Has something happened with Gary? Mark? Speak to me...?" Placing a supportive hand onto my back, emotions wash over me. I'm tied between wanting to bawl my eyes out and wanting to scream at the top of my lungs, but for now I hold them back.
"I've truly fucked up this time, Yaz. For real."
Exhaling a sigh, she pulls me closer. "I'm sure that's not true, Mark. You haven't even been in contact with him, have you?"
"No..." I shake my head. "I was just so desperate to speak to him... it was a stupid idea...something i'm going to regret doing until the day I die now..."
"You know that Gary will speak to you when he's back. He just needs time to start a fresh and clear his head...I'm sure it wasn't that bad...what exactly have you done?"
Pulling away from her embrace, I vaguely stare at the closed laptop resting on the desk in front of my vision. "I needed answers...I'm sick of being left in the dark. He just took off and left me without a say so and leaving me the way he did...telling me all these new things...for what? A joke?"
"Mark!" Snapping at me unexpectedly. "Never would Gary do that for a joke. He's upset, you're upset. You need to understand that its harder for him than it is for you."
"I'm always the one to blame aren't I? The evil one! The one who has ruined Gary's life! But at least Rob understands me! At least he knows what I'm going through and yes I fucking regret sending that email!" Deeply breathing, Yasmin blinks her eyes at me.
"Email?"
Rubbing the palms of my hands against my heavy feeling eyes, I release an exhausted sigh. "Yes. Rob told me to write my feelings down about this whole situation and I got too carried, then I got called down before I could delete it...and somehow...Its been...Its been sent to him..."
"Wait...this was today right?" Nodding my head weakly, words fail to leave my mouth. There's no point in talking anymore, I've said enough. "And this email was addressed to Gary?"
"Yep..." Quietly I whisper.
"Oh...and it was left on that laptop...when you went down to sort out Callum...?"
Lifting my head gradually, a smudge of guilt spreads across Yasmin's face. "N...no...you...you didn't...?"
----------------------------------
{One Week Later...}
"Come on, Bud. Give us a smile for Daddy?" The little boy shakes his head in pure annoyance, as he continues to screech at the top of his lungs. "Milk? Do you want more milk?" Hitting his fists against the toy blocks, his screams become louder almost bursting my ear drums. "What about a slice of apple?" What's the use in talking, its not like I'll get a reply I barely get a grumble ever since Laura dropped him off a few days ago, but then again at 7 months old he's not really going to have a full blown conversation with me, is he? Lining up the blocks which have numerously been tossed across the room in frustration, neatly I place four blocks in front of the little boy's view. "Can you say this word?" Pointing to each block, I smile proudly at my Son. "G- A - R - Y. Can you say that? Ga-ry?" For a second, the crying has stopped, as his eyes focus on the coloured wooden blocks sitting in front of him. Watching my lips, his eyes flick from my mouth back to the small lettering. "Ga. Can you say, Ga?" Opening his mouth, again a vague expression fills his face. At the moment he's too young to say full sentences, but Callum can babble a few words here and there, he's even able to wobble around on his bum, also attempting to stand, but that wont be a for a good few months yet. It saddens me, that I've missed a good chunk of my Son's life, including the birth, not even knowing of his existence until a couple of months ago. Gary is still away and we haven't spoken since Robbie's birthday which was over one week ago now, god knows if he's even going to come back home, but then again with Hannah due soon he has to, right? There still hasn't been any sign whether or not he's read the email which I wrote and Yasmin sent, by accident of course. Out of nowhere a faint noise catches my attention. Pulling my head out of my thoughts, I stare down at a pair of smiling lips.
"G...G...Ga...G...Ga....GaaGaa."
With a wide eyed expression, proudly a grin beams across my face. "That's it! Good boy! Oh gosh...good boy." Lifting the fleshy body into my arms, I plant a wet kiss against the light hair on the centre of the child's head, as I continue to cuddle him. "Good boy..." It hits me, sadly it hits me- that Gary isn't here to hear it himself. My own Son has almost spoken Gary's name and he isn't here to witness it.
Settling Callum back down onto the bean bag, I reach for the remote. "M...Meeeh....nuuuh." He sulks, whilst I flick through the different child programs.
"Oh come on, you love this show." Placing the remote next to me on the floor, I rest on my knees beside the bean bag, just sipping my coffee whilst the programme begins to start. A pink pig jumps onto the screen introducing its family with a loud snort for each one. Peppa Pig is one of Callum's favourites and ever since he arrived here I'm pretty sure I could act out each episode, but today Callum is having none of it. Something is bothering him and I just can't figure out what exactly it is. Searching around the carpet which has scattered toys all over it, finally it springs to mind. "Your dummy? Do you want your dum dum?" Once again the crying stops by my question. "I wont be a sec." Skipping into the kitchen, immediately I glance around for a pacifier. There's got to be one around here somewhere, why do children find it necessary to throw everything in sight? Life would be a lot easier if they didn't. The child's cries increases in volume due to my disappearance. "Its OK, I'm still here! Just getting Mr Dum Dum." I reply, noticing a red pacifier sitting on the very top shelf in the medical cupboard. "Here he is!" Tip toeing whilst my arm stretches up towards the shelf, its no good. I'm too short. A niggling pain enters my head, possibly from the lack of sleep I've had over the past days and of course from Callum's constant crying, babies are good at sensing their parents moods. "I'm coming! I'm coming back!" I call into the room, as my knees rest on top of the work top before pulling my whole body up onto it. Now sitting on the worktop on my knees I grab hold of the pacifier. In my surprise the crying has come to an abrupt stop, soon to be replaced by soft cooing. "Cal? Are you OK?" Nervously I question, as I remain on the worktop. The only sound which now can be heard from the living room, is the finishing titles of Peppa Pig. Thinking of the worst, swiftly I exist the kitchen with the thoughts of pure horror hovering around my head. "CAL-" Once entering the living room, my sentence promptly gets cut off. Unexpectedly a figure stands in front of the window, as the little boy is comfortably rested in the arms of the figure, a man in fact, but not any man. Shuffling closer, I blink my eyes, as I shake my head in disbelief until finally I mutter out the single word. "G...G...Gary?"
Lifting his head into my direction, calmly a faint smile curls at the corners of his mouth. "He just wanted a cuddle...didn't you mate?" The back of Gary's hand delicately strokes against the boy's cheek, as his eyes begin to slowly close from the amount of crying, thankfully he's tired himself out already. Striding forward into Gary's company, I look down at my son, until mine and Gary's eyes meet for a brief moment. Bending down, Gary lays Callum back onto the bean bag, wrapping the thin blanket over the child's legs, before reconnecting his eyes with mine. "You're...You're back." He doesn't breathe a word, which doesn't really say much in answering my question. Hitting my fist against his bicep - not too hard, but enough to shock him. "Don't ever do that again!" I growl, until a smile manages to reach my face, trying to hold back the tears, I fail as they come flooding down my cheeks. He doesn't look mad at me and right now I can't even describe how I feel myself. Wrapping my arms tightly around his waist, my head drops against his chest, until what seems like minutes, Gary silently answers my hug.
"Yeah..." He sighs.
Wednesday 13 August 2014
Chapter 47
Mark's POV
Thumbing through the sheets of paper containing black and white ink, softly I smile over at the female who stands with her back facing me. "Any plans for today, Yaz?"
"I'm off to be see some of my work colleagues later on, thankfully Rob's taking Ellie off my hands for a few hours."
Quivering my brow, the pen rests in the corner of my mouth. "I thought Rob had to go away for a few days, that's why he left yesterday?"
"Oh yeah he has, but that doesn't mean he's not allowed to come home before and after interviews. He's not a prisoner, Mark." She chuckles whilst serving up the bacon and eggs onto a plate, followed by a spoonful or two of baked beans. "What have you got planned today?"
"Well I need to fight through this bloody paperwork if I have any hope in this solo period of promotion. Man, where's Gary Barlow when you need him, eh?" I joke, which is soon replaced by a miserable grin.
Silently, Yasmin sighs, before plonking down the plateful of food in front of me. "Well for starters you can get this down you. And secondly you can make plans with Rob to take Ellie and Callum to the park. It will be good for two Daddies to spend some time together."
"But-"
"No buts. You're not hiding away from the world by killing yourself with paperwork. I'm sure Callum would love a trip to the park...to spend more time bonding with his Father before that evil cow comes back onto the scene."
"Yeah..." Is I'm able to mumble under my breathe, as carelessly I shuffle together my papers.
"Besides...Rob has had a solo career since before Christ. I'm sure he could help you with a tip or two." She winks, before sitting down opposite me at the table, nursing a steaming cup of tea. "We're all here for you...Just like we are for Gary." Tapping the top of my hand, faintly she smiles into my direction.
Breathing a soft sigh of relief, gently I nod at my friend. "It means a lot. Thank you..."
-------------
"What time do you have to get back to the hotel?" Lifting Callum back into my arms, using my free hand I carry the small rucksack containing the child's belongings.
"Erh not until a good few hours yet. Work is a bloody killer sometimes." Robbie glances around the crowded park for a quiet spot.
"Uh, yeah tell me about it..."
"Lets sit under that oak tree over there..." He points ahead at the single tree in the distance. "Fancy an ice cream?" Playfully he taps my shoulder, whilst turning into the direction of the brightly painted van.
"Yeah...go on then, not like I care about my figure lately." I smirk.
"Take Ellie and get comfortable, I won't be a sec." Doing as he says, with Callum still in my arms I push Eleanor's pushchair over towards the tree. Once underneath, Instantly I start to feel better by the nice cool shade, sun and me is never any good. Pulling out the picnic blanket from under the pushchair neatly I spread it underneath the tree, before carefully resting Callum onto his pillow.
"Wanna come out too, Darling?" Looking over at Eleanor who is still strapped in her pushchair, eagerly the toddler nods her head in excitement, as she sees Robbie walking over to us with hands full of melting ice creams. "You're covered." Shaking my head with Eleanor in my arms, Robbie now stands in front of us.
"Well what do you expect, argh I'm sticky." Handing over a cone, it drips down my hand. "Here, I got Callum a small one."
"Cheers." Licking around my ice cream, I stop it from over flowing. "What some mate?" Running my finger around Callum's smaller cone, my finger slides inside his mouth, allowing his tongue to lick off the white cream. Robbie sits beside us feeding Eleanor hers.
"Nice this isn't it?" Robbie's first to break the silence after a long five minutes. Holding Callum's blue rattle in my fist, softly I breathe out a sigh.
"Uh huh...sure is..."
Handing Eleanor her pink pacifier, Robbie shifts closer towards me. "I know what you're thinking." My eyes are mesmerised by the plastic toy in my grip, listening to the beads move around, as Callum lightly smiles up at me.
"I don't know what you mean..."
Rolling his eyes, he unhands the child's toy from my fist, placing it in on top of Callum's stomach. "That you wish I was Gary?" Opening my mouth to speak, to argue against it, my words sink back down my throat.
"I don't...mean to offend you Rob but-"
Lifting his hands, a grin forms at the corners of his mouth. "Its fine, honest. I mean no offence to you either, but I'd much prefer that you were my wife. I mean...er...not that I want to marry you and for you to change sex, but I'd rather be out spending time with my daughter and wife. Although I am happy that we are spending time together..." The conversation soon turns messy and extremely confusing.
"I get you Rob." Reassuring him with a pat on the arm, I release a laugh at his flustered face. "We both prefer to be with our partners and children. Of course we do. We're in the same boat at the moment." Glancing down at my Son, deeply I sigh, every time I think about Gary running away after everything which was discussed just adds another crack to my heart.
"He will be back, Markie." Suddenly my thoughts are stopped, by an arm wrapping around the back of my neck. "He has to be back. He has a loving boyfriend and unborn daughter in his life. Gary's no fool, he knows exactly what's important in life."
"Yeah...its just the not knowing part which hurts. Why would someone say all those things if they didn't mean it? We've both suffered and I thought that we could lay that to rest and get on with our lives, being a proper family to our children."
Robbie sits in silence for a few minutes, absorbing my words and possibly hatching up a plan. "You know...maybe instead of keeping all these feelings to yourself...maybe you could get them out of your system by writing them down?"
Furrowing my eyebrows at the younger man, miserably I smile. "Its a good thought, but what's the use. No one will read them and if I wrote them down to Gary then they would probably end up in the bin, he wouldn't want to hear my anger and self pity."
"Then don't let him see. I know exactly how you're feeling, I'm in the wrong too, but self pity and anger is part of human nature. When Yasmin threw me out over my affair, I wrote my thoughts out. I went straight onto my laptop and opened a new email addressed to Yasmin-"
"You sent it her?!" Looking shocked at him, quietly he smirks.
"Do you really think I would be breathing if I sent her that email? No, of course I didn't, but seeing it addressed to her made me feel better once I bashed through the keys typing out my message. Once I had finished and re read it about a million times, I deleted it. Erased every single word, then closed my laptop. After that email containing my thoughts, my mind felt fresh and that's when it showed what was really important in my life. My little girl and my wife."
"Really? It doesn't sound like a bad idea...at least it will help me release some of these feelings so I'm not going completely insane..."
----------------------------------------------
Sitting in front of the laptop, my fingers tap against the keys. "No, no, no." I grunt, frantically hitting the backspace button. "This is pointless." Speaking to myself, I can't even write a simple email. Words circle my head and continue to deflate my heart, but I just can't seem to write them down, to finally get them off my chest. I love Gary to pieces, of course I do, but with his abrupt disappearance without breathing a word before so, brings even more negativity into this relationship and for the first time I'm not going to sit back, or grin and let him walk over me. Taking a deep breath, finally I build up enough courage to write this email.
"Dear Gary, remember me? That's right, its me, Mark Owen. The one you were engaged to. The one who you said you loved. The one who you said you wanted to start a family with and to get back on track, to spend the rest of your life with. I guess those words didn't mean a thing, seeing as you decided to flee after once again leading me on. Do you really hate me that much that you want to completely crush me? Did you even care about me? Even care that I wanted to kill myself, because I didn't think I could cope without you in my life? I guess that's what you probably want me to do now, is it? I've apologised until I run out breath. You're not the only one suffering from all this. You've beat me, left me for dead and here I am continuing to run after you, to love you and care about you no matter what was said or done. Why can't you do the same? All I want in my life is my children, yes children, both of them and of course my boyfriend. If I were in your shoes and you had a child behind my back, yes I would be hurting and to be honest I would of probably lashed out at you too, because those things are unforgivable, breaking trust is truly unforgivable, but life is too short. It would take time, but in that time I would want you in my life no matter what. No matter how much I screamed that I hate you, I wouldn't be able to live without you either. My heart feels numb without your arms wrapped around my body. There's a deafening ringing of silence buzzing around my ears without hearing your voice and a chill down my spine constantly by not feeling your lips making contact without mine. Do you understand how much you mean to me? I could go on all night, but would there be any point? At the end of the day, I love you more than what you do or have ever done for me, that's clear now. It felt like a kick in the teeth when you left so sudden, right after you poured your heart out to me, saying you want us to try again, yet here I am, alone and heart broken whilst you're off god knows where. You haven't even bothered to send me a text letting me know you're OK...Just one simple text would of done. You said you were going to take Hannah away from me once she was born, but here I am...by her side if anything goes wrong, whilst you're being selfish probably sunbathing on a white beach. Leaving your own child behind. At least she knows which Father cares about her. I'm tired of fighting. Tired of crying myself to sleep and tired of breaking my heart over you. I never thought I would say this about you...ever...but...the way I'm feeling right now...makes me wish I never met you. Never fallen in love with you, because this is truly painful and I can't go on with living a life like this..." With shaky hands, I pull them back towards my tear stained face. Dropping my head backwards, I let out an exhausted sigh. The words have finally escaped and right now I feel sick. I can't even bare to re read the email, some of the things I've written already I regret them.
"Mark?" A distant voice calls from downstairs. Edging away from the bright screen, I shuffle to the direction of the bedroom door, wiping away my loose tears.
"Yeah...?"
"Callum's been sick, mate. Can you come and give us a hand?" Glancing back over at the laptop, I slide through the open door. Skipping down the stairs, there's a feeling inside my body which hits me and I can't explain. Maybe Robbie was right about the email...it feels like I can breathe again after all of these months. Painting on a smile, I retrieve Callum's clean clothing from the radiator, before walking into the kitchen.
"Everything OK?" Peering my head around the door, three heads turn into my direction. Robbie walks over me, leaving the two children in their high chairs.
"I was just about to ask you the same question... you've seemed to of perked up a little...something happened?"
Smiling at my friend, quickly I lift the half naked little boy into my arms. "I wrote the email. You're right...I'm feeling a lot better. For the first time... It feels like I don't need to force out a smile or to hide my feelings."
"That's great, Markie!" Beaming at grin at me, he reaches the baby bath from underneath the table, before boiling the kettle for me.
"I know... and at least I still have this little handsome chap in my life..." Stroking Callum's cheek with the back of my hand, happily I breathe out a sigh.
"Awh, cheers Marko. You know how to flatter a man." He winks cheekily at me over his shoulder, whilst filling up the bath with the water.
-------------------------------------
After bathing and re dressing Callum, both children are sound asleep in bed. Well...after an hour's worth of stories being read, they finally are asleep. Once Robbie leaves to go back to the hotel, Yasmin's now in the shower after her day out with friends, releasing a yawn, I close the bedroom door. Maybe its time to fill out some more forms and paperwork, before I get some shut eye of my own. Wriggling the keypad of my laptop using a single finger, promptly I type the password of my laptop back in. The welcome screen appears and a browser remains open. Scrunching up my lips at the site of the link, confusion fills my face. Am I losing my mind? I can't remember sending any paperwork off. Callum had been sick, so I went straight down, the paperwork is still on the bed. Crossing my leg, I pull the machine onto my lap, there's no point sitting around waiting for it to come back to my mind. Hitting the sent link of my email, it opens a set of emails which I've sent from this email address. Reading down them, my eyes freeze to the top one which was sent two hours ago. Email sent to : G_Barlow_71@Gmail.com < Today - 20:37pm> Clicking open the email, my jaw drops in horror by the sight of it. "N...n...no." Heavily I breathe, feeling sickness tighten my throat and my heart increase in beats. Someone has sent Gary the email. The email containing my thoughts. This is going to ruin my life if he reads it.
Thumbing through the sheets of paper containing black and white ink, softly I smile over at the female who stands with her back facing me. "Any plans for today, Yaz?"
"I'm off to be see some of my work colleagues later on, thankfully Rob's taking Ellie off my hands for a few hours."
Quivering my brow, the pen rests in the corner of my mouth. "I thought Rob had to go away for a few days, that's why he left yesterday?"
"Oh yeah he has, but that doesn't mean he's not allowed to come home before and after interviews. He's not a prisoner, Mark." She chuckles whilst serving up the bacon and eggs onto a plate, followed by a spoonful or two of baked beans. "What have you got planned today?"
"Well I need to fight through this bloody paperwork if I have any hope in this solo period of promotion. Man, where's Gary Barlow when you need him, eh?" I joke, which is soon replaced by a miserable grin.
Silently, Yasmin sighs, before plonking down the plateful of food in front of me. "Well for starters you can get this down you. And secondly you can make plans with Rob to take Ellie and Callum to the park. It will be good for two Daddies to spend some time together."
"But-"
"No buts. You're not hiding away from the world by killing yourself with paperwork. I'm sure Callum would love a trip to the park...to spend more time bonding with his Father before that evil cow comes back onto the scene."
"Yeah..." Is I'm able to mumble under my breathe, as carelessly I shuffle together my papers.
"Besides...Rob has had a solo career since before Christ. I'm sure he could help you with a tip or two." She winks, before sitting down opposite me at the table, nursing a steaming cup of tea. "We're all here for you...Just like we are for Gary." Tapping the top of my hand, faintly she smiles into my direction.
Breathing a soft sigh of relief, gently I nod at my friend. "It means a lot. Thank you..."
-------------
"What time do you have to get back to the hotel?" Lifting Callum back into my arms, using my free hand I carry the small rucksack containing the child's belongings.
"Erh not until a good few hours yet. Work is a bloody killer sometimes." Robbie glances around the crowded park for a quiet spot.
"Uh, yeah tell me about it..."
"Lets sit under that oak tree over there..." He points ahead at the single tree in the distance. "Fancy an ice cream?" Playfully he taps my shoulder, whilst turning into the direction of the brightly painted van.
"Yeah...go on then, not like I care about my figure lately." I smirk.
"Take Ellie and get comfortable, I won't be a sec." Doing as he says, with Callum still in my arms I push Eleanor's pushchair over towards the tree. Once underneath, Instantly I start to feel better by the nice cool shade, sun and me is never any good. Pulling out the picnic blanket from under the pushchair neatly I spread it underneath the tree, before carefully resting Callum onto his pillow.
"Wanna come out too, Darling?" Looking over at Eleanor who is still strapped in her pushchair, eagerly the toddler nods her head in excitement, as she sees Robbie walking over to us with hands full of melting ice creams. "You're covered." Shaking my head with Eleanor in my arms, Robbie now stands in front of us.
"Well what do you expect, argh I'm sticky." Handing over a cone, it drips down my hand. "Here, I got Callum a small one."
"Cheers." Licking around my ice cream, I stop it from over flowing. "What some mate?" Running my finger around Callum's smaller cone, my finger slides inside his mouth, allowing his tongue to lick off the white cream. Robbie sits beside us feeding Eleanor hers.
"Nice this isn't it?" Robbie's first to break the silence after a long five minutes. Holding Callum's blue rattle in my fist, softly I breathe out a sigh.
"Uh huh...sure is..."
Handing Eleanor her pink pacifier, Robbie shifts closer towards me. "I know what you're thinking." My eyes are mesmerised by the plastic toy in my grip, listening to the beads move around, as Callum lightly smiles up at me.
"I don't know what you mean..."
Rolling his eyes, he unhands the child's toy from my fist, placing it in on top of Callum's stomach. "That you wish I was Gary?" Opening my mouth to speak, to argue against it, my words sink back down my throat.
"I don't...mean to offend you Rob but-"
Lifting his hands, a grin forms at the corners of his mouth. "Its fine, honest. I mean no offence to you either, but I'd much prefer that you were my wife. I mean...er...not that I want to marry you and for you to change sex, but I'd rather be out spending time with my daughter and wife. Although I am happy that we are spending time together..." The conversation soon turns messy and extremely confusing.
"I get you Rob." Reassuring him with a pat on the arm, I release a laugh at his flustered face. "We both prefer to be with our partners and children. Of course we do. We're in the same boat at the moment." Glancing down at my Son, deeply I sigh, every time I think about Gary running away after everything which was discussed just adds another crack to my heart.
"He will be back, Markie." Suddenly my thoughts are stopped, by an arm wrapping around the back of my neck. "He has to be back. He has a loving boyfriend and unborn daughter in his life. Gary's no fool, he knows exactly what's important in life."
"Yeah...its just the not knowing part which hurts. Why would someone say all those things if they didn't mean it? We've both suffered and I thought that we could lay that to rest and get on with our lives, being a proper family to our children."
Robbie sits in silence for a few minutes, absorbing my words and possibly hatching up a plan. "You know...maybe instead of keeping all these feelings to yourself...maybe you could get them out of your system by writing them down?"
Furrowing my eyebrows at the younger man, miserably I smile. "Its a good thought, but what's the use. No one will read them and if I wrote them down to Gary then they would probably end up in the bin, he wouldn't want to hear my anger and self pity."
"Then don't let him see. I know exactly how you're feeling, I'm in the wrong too, but self pity and anger is part of human nature. When Yasmin threw me out over my affair, I wrote my thoughts out. I went straight onto my laptop and opened a new email addressed to Yasmin-"
"You sent it her?!" Looking shocked at him, quietly he smirks.
"Do you really think I would be breathing if I sent her that email? No, of course I didn't, but seeing it addressed to her made me feel better once I bashed through the keys typing out my message. Once I had finished and re read it about a million times, I deleted it. Erased every single word, then closed my laptop. After that email containing my thoughts, my mind felt fresh and that's when it showed what was really important in my life. My little girl and my wife."
"Really? It doesn't sound like a bad idea...at least it will help me release some of these feelings so I'm not going completely insane..."
----------------------------------------------
Sitting in front of the laptop, my fingers tap against the keys. "No, no, no." I grunt, frantically hitting the backspace button. "This is pointless." Speaking to myself, I can't even write a simple email. Words circle my head and continue to deflate my heart, but I just can't seem to write them down, to finally get them off my chest. I love Gary to pieces, of course I do, but with his abrupt disappearance without breathing a word before so, brings even more negativity into this relationship and for the first time I'm not going to sit back, or grin and let him walk over me. Taking a deep breath, finally I build up enough courage to write this email.
"Dear Gary, remember me? That's right, its me, Mark Owen. The one you were engaged to. The one who you said you loved. The one who you said you wanted to start a family with and to get back on track, to spend the rest of your life with. I guess those words didn't mean a thing, seeing as you decided to flee after once again leading me on. Do you really hate me that much that you want to completely crush me? Did you even care about me? Even care that I wanted to kill myself, because I didn't think I could cope without you in my life? I guess that's what you probably want me to do now, is it? I've apologised until I run out breath. You're not the only one suffering from all this. You've beat me, left me for dead and here I am continuing to run after you, to love you and care about you no matter what was said or done. Why can't you do the same? All I want in my life is my children, yes children, both of them and of course my boyfriend. If I were in your shoes and you had a child behind my back, yes I would be hurting and to be honest I would of probably lashed out at you too, because those things are unforgivable, breaking trust is truly unforgivable, but life is too short. It would take time, but in that time I would want you in my life no matter what. No matter how much I screamed that I hate you, I wouldn't be able to live without you either. My heart feels numb without your arms wrapped around my body. There's a deafening ringing of silence buzzing around my ears without hearing your voice and a chill down my spine constantly by not feeling your lips making contact without mine. Do you understand how much you mean to me? I could go on all night, but would there be any point? At the end of the day, I love you more than what you do or have ever done for me, that's clear now. It felt like a kick in the teeth when you left so sudden, right after you poured your heart out to me, saying you want us to try again, yet here I am, alone and heart broken whilst you're off god knows where. You haven't even bothered to send me a text letting me know you're OK...Just one simple text would of done. You said you were going to take Hannah away from me once she was born, but here I am...by her side if anything goes wrong, whilst you're being selfish probably sunbathing on a white beach. Leaving your own child behind. At least she knows which Father cares about her. I'm tired of fighting. Tired of crying myself to sleep and tired of breaking my heart over you. I never thought I would say this about you...ever...but...the way I'm feeling right now...makes me wish I never met you. Never fallen in love with you, because this is truly painful and I can't go on with living a life like this..." With shaky hands, I pull them back towards my tear stained face. Dropping my head backwards, I let out an exhausted sigh. The words have finally escaped and right now I feel sick. I can't even bare to re read the email, some of the things I've written already I regret them.
"Mark?" A distant voice calls from downstairs. Edging away from the bright screen, I shuffle to the direction of the bedroom door, wiping away my loose tears.
"Yeah...?"
"Callum's been sick, mate. Can you come and give us a hand?" Glancing back over at the laptop, I slide through the open door. Skipping down the stairs, there's a feeling inside my body which hits me and I can't explain. Maybe Robbie was right about the email...it feels like I can breathe again after all of these months. Painting on a smile, I retrieve Callum's clean clothing from the radiator, before walking into the kitchen.
"Everything OK?" Peering my head around the door, three heads turn into my direction. Robbie walks over me, leaving the two children in their high chairs.
"I was just about to ask you the same question... you've seemed to of perked up a little...something happened?"
Smiling at my friend, quickly I lift the half naked little boy into my arms. "I wrote the email. You're right...I'm feeling a lot better. For the first time... It feels like I don't need to force out a smile or to hide my feelings."
"That's great, Markie!" Beaming at grin at me, he reaches the baby bath from underneath the table, before boiling the kettle for me.
"I know... and at least I still have this little handsome chap in my life..." Stroking Callum's cheek with the back of my hand, happily I breathe out a sigh.
"Awh, cheers Marko. You know how to flatter a man." He winks cheekily at me over his shoulder, whilst filling up the bath with the water.
-------------------------------------
After bathing and re dressing Callum, both children are sound asleep in bed. Well...after an hour's worth of stories being read, they finally are asleep. Once Robbie leaves to go back to the hotel, Yasmin's now in the shower after her day out with friends, releasing a yawn, I close the bedroom door. Maybe its time to fill out some more forms and paperwork, before I get some shut eye of my own. Wriggling the keypad of my laptop using a single finger, promptly I type the password of my laptop back in. The welcome screen appears and a browser remains open. Scrunching up my lips at the site of the link, confusion fills my face. Am I losing my mind? I can't remember sending any paperwork off. Callum had been sick, so I went straight down, the paperwork is still on the bed. Crossing my leg, I pull the machine onto my lap, there's no point sitting around waiting for it to come back to my mind. Hitting the sent link of my email, it opens a set of emails which I've sent from this email address. Reading down them, my eyes freeze to the top one which was sent two hours ago. Email sent to : G_Barlow_71@Gmail.com < Today - 20:37pm> Clicking open the email, my jaw drops in horror by the sight of it. "N...n...no." Heavily I breathe, feeling sickness tighten my throat and my heart increase in beats. Someone has sent Gary the email. The email containing my thoughts. This is going to ruin my life if he reads it.
Wednesday 16 July 2014
Chapter 46
Mark's POV
"Come on Mark, you can't stay locked in there forever." Robbie's voice mumbles through the wooden bathroom door. "I've got to go to my meeting soon and Yasmin has to take Eleanor for her check up, you have to come down and tend to your Son! He's your Son, Mark. Even his eyes lit up when he saw you." He exaggerates.
"He...He doesn't even know me." Softly i whisper, allowing the back of my head to rest against the door whilst i remain seated on the stone tiled flooring.
"But you can change that. His Mother is clearly no good, buggering off to go knows where and dumping her flesh and blood on our doorstep. Right now, you're the best thing in that little boy's life. You can't keep moping around 'ere for Gary to come back."
"I'm not moping around anywhere!" Loudly i snap. "I just want answers...that's all."
Robbie sighs. "And you wont get them until Gary comes back home. God knows when that will be, whether it is a few days or a few weeks, he will be back, in fact he has to come back for the sake of his Daughter. Please just open this door. Are you scared, is that it?"
Heavy silence fills the conversation, as the words sit on the end of my tongue unspoken. "M...Maybe..." Silently i mutter with my hands now cupping my face. "What exactly do i have to offer to this child? Its not right, he shouldn't get to know a person like me, why would anyone want me in their life never mind being a Father to them."
"Now, now you're just talking a load of bullshit, Markie. You have a lot to offer that boy. For starters you have a heart of gold and i know full well you will shower him in love and spoil him rotten. That's the main thing, no one needs anything else other than love, support and showing how much you care and willing to learn."
"I don't want to let him down, like i seem to let everyone else down. What if I'm not a good Father? Me and Gary were going to go to parenting classes, but now its little too late...my child is here ready and waiting for me." Dryly i swallow, trying to control my shaking hands.
"I've seen the way you are with our Ellie. Trust me Mark, both you and Gary are great Fathers. You do not need training for that, you are both born naturals. As long as you know the basics the rest just comes to you, just look at me!" He chuckles. "Do you really think before Eleanor was born, i was cut out to be a Father? All i cared about was booze and drugs, some role model i would of been, but we make sacrifices for our children. Its life. You can do this, Mark. I know you can. And if you need help along the way you have me and Yasmin, your family, your friends, Jason and Howard... and maybe even Gary." Even though i can't see him, i can still imagine that calming smile pressing against the door. "Well when he stops being an arse that is..."
"Oi." With a smile, a lump still forms in my throat. "He may be an arse, but i love that man. Exactly like i love my children... no matter what." Giving it a few seconds, deeply i exhale and intake long drags of air, breathing them out through my nose. Holding onto the door handle, helping me off the floor, finally i decide to open it. Standing in front of me is a grinning Robbie, pleased with my decision.
"Come on mate." Pulling me into a hug, he gives me a tight friendly hug. Returning the hug, my arms wrap around his back, as my face snuggles against his chest. "Now, let me introduce you to your boy, yeah?" Pushing his body away from mine, he slings a steady arm around my shoulder, directing me to the top of the stairs.
Walking back into the living room, the soft sound of baby noises catches my attention. Sitting on the floor in front of the TV is Eleanor and Callum. He's a good few months younger than what Eleanor is, even if Laura doesn't know the correct age of Callum, its still clear to see. Slumping down onto the sofa, i watch the two children stare vaguely at the colourful screen. "Hiya, Mark." In walks a smiling Yasmin, she pushes an earring into each one of her lobes. "Feeling OK?"
"Yeah, i guess. Busy morning?"
Setting up the buggy, which sits at the end of the living room, propped up against a corner, she nods her head. "Every morning is busy with this little madame." Once the buggy is set up, she lifts her child from the carpet.
"Muuuhhh noooo." Eleanor moans, as she is forced to sit down on the seat. "Peppy!" She grumbles, reaching her arms out towards the TV.
"Ellie, we're just going out. Peppa Pig isn't going anywhere. You've seen them all before anyway." The child folds her arms and pouts her lips at her Mother. "And don't give me that look or no park tomorrow."
Fatherhood scares me. Just the whole idea of being a parent, terrifies me. When Gary was with me, i felt safe. A lot safer knowing there was someone else to rely on, but now i'm on my own. At the moment, i'm the only parent present to my Son. Glancing back over at the fair haired boy, he leans against the pink fairy bean bag for support, his eyes haven't left the TV since i arrived back down. "Do you need help? I'm sure i can get Mum to babysit er...C..Callum."
Sweetly Yasmin smiles, once she's secured Eleanor in her buggy. "Its fine, honey. I can cope. We wont be that long, its just a quick check up then some grocery shopping. It will be good for you to have some alone time. Plus you wont have Robbie pestering you, so take advantage of that." She winks. "If there's anything you need, give me a call. I'll pick up some milk and some porridge for Callum on my trip to the shop and suppose i can pick his Daddy up a treat too."
"Oh, no i'm fi-"
"No arguments." Yasmin smirks. "If you need any toys feel free to use the ones which are tossed around the room, there's also some finger paints on the table, so use what ever you like. I'll see you in a couple of hours." Gently she pecks my cheek. "Say bye to Uncle Markie."
"Bu...buh...byee, Maccie." The child waves her chubby little hand at me, as Yasmin carefully wheelies her into the hallway.
"Bye, darling."
------------------------
The sound of keys rattling disturbs my trance. "Hey up lad, staring into space again i see?" Robbie says smiling, whilst opening his laptop bag.
"Uh? Oh no... just gone out with this programme."
"Didn't really have you down as a fan of Ben And Holly." Robbie laughs, whilst stuffing his paperwork carelessly into his bag.
"Learn something new everyday, eh?" Nervously i bite my lip by the sound of Callum's gentle moans. Robbie stares into our direction, noticing my body tense up suddenly.
"Think he wants his Daddy, mate."
"Does he? Erm... i think maybe he wants me to change the channel?" Callum's moans soon erupt into a tantrum, as he begins screaming at the top of his lungs. "Erm..." Striding over from the living room table, carefully Robbie lifts the little boy into his arms.
"Ey up little fella. Do you want your Daddy? Yeah?" Poking his fingertip against Callum's nose, the crying comes to an abrupt stop. "Sit up then lad."
Obeying Robbie's instructions, nervously i sit in a comfortable position. "But i-" My sentence soon is stopped, as the little boy is placed into my arms. Looking up at me, his blue eyes brighten and his hand grips tightly around my index finger.
"See." Happily Robbie sighs at me, his hand pats my shoulder. "I better be off. I'm already running late. Here." Handing me a red bottle filled with milk, he quickly dashes for his equipment.
"No, Rob wait you can't leave-"
"I'll see you tonight!" He calls, as the front door closes behind him.
"...Me." Softly i sigh, looking down at the bundle in my arms.
-----------------------------
Sitting on the floor crossed legged, i watch carefully as Callum wobbles whilst crawling along the carpet. "Do you want to do some painting?" Stopping in his tracks, he tumbles onto his bum, getting a better look at me. Setting down a couple of sheets of newspaper on the floor, i begin undoing the paint pot lids. A curious look shows on the boy's face, as he crawls back over into my direction. "Let's see if you will be the next Picasso."
"Ba...nuhhh....baaa..." He grumbles with a very faint smile on his face.
"Do you want to paint with Daddy? Lets paint so pretty pictures for Daddy to put up in his studio. I'll show you that one day, you will have a field day up in there with all the buttons." Lifting the child up from the pile of toys, he now sits in between my legs, using my frame as a support. Resting pieces of A4 paper randomly across the newspaper, i dip my finger into the red pot of paint. "Look, can you do this?" Running my finger across the blank paper, it begins to create different shapes and swirls. Intrigued by actions, Callum bounces gently on his bum with a pure look of excitement. "Here...have a go." Using my free hand, i wrap my fingers around the tiny hand, dipping a finger only of Callum's into the green pot of paint. Examining his green fingertip, he frowns at the coldness. "Now that's what you call having green fingers." I chuckle to myself at my own joke. Callum ignores my voice, as his finger trails along the paper, making random lines.
Ten minutes into the painting and its safe to say we have more paint on our skin than what the paper has. Callum pushes his hand into the yellow paint which has spilled onto the newspaper. Hitting his hands onto the paper, his hand prints give me an idea. Purposely i pour out the red paint onto a spare piece of paper, before placing my own hand into the centre of the spillage. Once my hand is covered in paint, forcefully i press my hand onto a blank piece of paper. "Can you put your hand print over Daddy's?" I ask, but of course get no reply, instead i get a vague look shot at me. Smiling to myself, i dip Callum's hand into the blue paint. He doesn't breathe a sound, as he continues to watch what I'm doing. Pushing down Callum's hand, onto the same piece of paper my painted hand is on, after a few seconds i lift his hand away to admire the artwork. "Look. It's Daddy's hand and this little hand here... is your hand." The picture shows my hand as the background and sitting in the palm of my hand on the paper is Callum's blue hand print. He tilts his head to one side, just staring at our creation. "Shall we label it, yeah?" Cradling the boy into my arms, we swiftly make our way into the kitchen. Scanning around the kitchen area, instantly i notice a pen resting on the kitchen table, next to the unopened Valentine's card which was meant for Gary. Shaking my head lightly i exhale a deep sigh. Dropping the picture onto the table, quickly i scribble on the words next to the hand prints. Daddy's hand - Next to the big hand. Callum's hand- Next to the small hand, sitting in the palm of mine on the picture. "Perfect." I smile. "My first photo from my beautiful Son." Shakily i speak with a hoarse voice, as the tears form in my eyes. It doesn't feel real. Gritting my teeth, my eyes latch onto the card which remains propped up against the flower vase. What i wouldn't give to have Gary here with us, joining in on the fun. Just the three of us lazily spending the afternoon together painting pictures or taking trips to the local park. Callum pats my cheeks together interrupting my thoughts, as the tears drip from my eyes. Turning around, i notice my now colourful face in the kitchen mirror. Brushing away the tears, the back of my hand wipes my blocked nose. "Come on, we better get this washed off. You've turned into a little rainbow."
With Callum washed and dressed for bed, I crouch on the floor next to the bed. Tonight Callum is sleeping in Eleanor's bed with me, seeing as Robbie won't be back for a few days. At six - thirty at night, Callum is already dozing off in the bed. "There was once a little boy called Callum. He was a brave little boy and had a smile which broke a million girl's hearts." Making up a bedtime story of my own, he listens carefully to every word which is spoken. "...He was a very special little boy and a very handsome one at that." Stroking his cheek with the back of my hand, subtly i smile. "He had two very loving parents in his life. Two Daddies in fact." My throat turns dry by speaking those two words. "Daddy Mark and the incredibly stunning Daddy Gary. Not only did he have such caring and loving parents in his life, but he also had a little Sister called Hannah." Tiredly i watch the little boy's eyes slowly open and close trying his best to keep awake. "Callum grew up to be a brave knight, no matter what life threw at him, with no fear he stood tall and slayed all the evil monsters, also known as the Paparazzi. Saving his beautiful Sister, Princess Hannah along the way." Within a couple of seconds, Callum's eyes finally remain closed. His cheek is nuzzled against the pillow which his fists are tightly gripped to. "Just like Daddy Gary." Quietly i smirk at the sight. "Sweet dreams little man." Delicately i peck his forehead. I guess i could get use to this. Tomorrow is just another day and with Gary and Laura off the scene for a few days, that means i need to make the most of it with my Son, before it all goes pear shaped once again.
"Come on Mark, you can't stay locked in there forever." Robbie's voice mumbles through the wooden bathroom door. "I've got to go to my meeting soon and Yasmin has to take Eleanor for her check up, you have to come down and tend to your Son! He's your Son, Mark. Even his eyes lit up when he saw you." He exaggerates.
"He...He doesn't even know me." Softly i whisper, allowing the back of my head to rest against the door whilst i remain seated on the stone tiled flooring.
"But you can change that. His Mother is clearly no good, buggering off to go knows where and dumping her flesh and blood on our doorstep. Right now, you're the best thing in that little boy's life. You can't keep moping around 'ere for Gary to come back."
"I'm not moping around anywhere!" Loudly i snap. "I just want answers...that's all."
Robbie sighs. "And you wont get them until Gary comes back home. God knows when that will be, whether it is a few days or a few weeks, he will be back, in fact he has to come back for the sake of his Daughter. Please just open this door. Are you scared, is that it?"
Heavy silence fills the conversation, as the words sit on the end of my tongue unspoken. "M...Maybe..." Silently i mutter with my hands now cupping my face. "What exactly do i have to offer to this child? Its not right, he shouldn't get to know a person like me, why would anyone want me in their life never mind being a Father to them."
"Now, now you're just talking a load of bullshit, Markie. You have a lot to offer that boy. For starters you have a heart of gold and i know full well you will shower him in love and spoil him rotten. That's the main thing, no one needs anything else other than love, support and showing how much you care and willing to learn."
"I don't want to let him down, like i seem to let everyone else down. What if I'm not a good Father? Me and Gary were going to go to parenting classes, but now its little too late...my child is here ready and waiting for me." Dryly i swallow, trying to control my shaking hands.
"I've seen the way you are with our Ellie. Trust me Mark, both you and Gary are great Fathers. You do not need training for that, you are both born naturals. As long as you know the basics the rest just comes to you, just look at me!" He chuckles. "Do you really think before Eleanor was born, i was cut out to be a Father? All i cared about was booze and drugs, some role model i would of been, but we make sacrifices for our children. Its life. You can do this, Mark. I know you can. And if you need help along the way you have me and Yasmin, your family, your friends, Jason and Howard... and maybe even Gary." Even though i can't see him, i can still imagine that calming smile pressing against the door. "Well when he stops being an arse that is..."
"Oi." With a smile, a lump still forms in my throat. "He may be an arse, but i love that man. Exactly like i love my children... no matter what." Giving it a few seconds, deeply i exhale and intake long drags of air, breathing them out through my nose. Holding onto the door handle, helping me off the floor, finally i decide to open it. Standing in front of me is a grinning Robbie, pleased with my decision.
"Come on mate." Pulling me into a hug, he gives me a tight friendly hug. Returning the hug, my arms wrap around his back, as my face snuggles against his chest. "Now, let me introduce you to your boy, yeah?" Pushing his body away from mine, he slings a steady arm around my shoulder, directing me to the top of the stairs.
Walking back into the living room, the soft sound of baby noises catches my attention. Sitting on the floor in front of the TV is Eleanor and Callum. He's a good few months younger than what Eleanor is, even if Laura doesn't know the correct age of Callum, its still clear to see. Slumping down onto the sofa, i watch the two children stare vaguely at the colourful screen. "Hiya, Mark." In walks a smiling Yasmin, she pushes an earring into each one of her lobes. "Feeling OK?"
"Yeah, i guess. Busy morning?"
Setting up the buggy, which sits at the end of the living room, propped up against a corner, she nods her head. "Every morning is busy with this little madame." Once the buggy is set up, she lifts her child from the carpet.
"Muuuhhh noooo." Eleanor moans, as she is forced to sit down on the seat. "Peppy!" She grumbles, reaching her arms out towards the TV.
"Ellie, we're just going out. Peppa Pig isn't going anywhere. You've seen them all before anyway." The child folds her arms and pouts her lips at her Mother. "And don't give me that look or no park tomorrow."
Fatherhood scares me. Just the whole idea of being a parent, terrifies me. When Gary was with me, i felt safe. A lot safer knowing there was someone else to rely on, but now i'm on my own. At the moment, i'm the only parent present to my Son. Glancing back over at the fair haired boy, he leans against the pink fairy bean bag for support, his eyes haven't left the TV since i arrived back down. "Do you need help? I'm sure i can get Mum to babysit er...C..Callum."
Sweetly Yasmin smiles, once she's secured Eleanor in her buggy. "Its fine, honey. I can cope. We wont be that long, its just a quick check up then some grocery shopping. It will be good for you to have some alone time. Plus you wont have Robbie pestering you, so take advantage of that." She winks. "If there's anything you need, give me a call. I'll pick up some milk and some porridge for Callum on my trip to the shop and suppose i can pick his Daddy up a treat too."
"Oh, no i'm fi-"
"No arguments." Yasmin smirks. "If you need any toys feel free to use the ones which are tossed around the room, there's also some finger paints on the table, so use what ever you like. I'll see you in a couple of hours." Gently she pecks my cheek. "Say bye to Uncle Markie."
"Bu...buh...byee, Maccie." The child waves her chubby little hand at me, as Yasmin carefully wheelies her into the hallway.
"Bye, darling."
------------------------
The sound of keys rattling disturbs my trance. "Hey up lad, staring into space again i see?" Robbie says smiling, whilst opening his laptop bag.
"Uh? Oh no... just gone out with this programme."
"Didn't really have you down as a fan of Ben And Holly." Robbie laughs, whilst stuffing his paperwork carelessly into his bag.
"Learn something new everyday, eh?" Nervously i bite my lip by the sound of Callum's gentle moans. Robbie stares into our direction, noticing my body tense up suddenly.
"Think he wants his Daddy, mate."
"Does he? Erm... i think maybe he wants me to change the channel?" Callum's moans soon erupt into a tantrum, as he begins screaming at the top of his lungs. "Erm..." Striding over from the living room table, carefully Robbie lifts the little boy into his arms.
"Ey up little fella. Do you want your Daddy? Yeah?" Poking his fingertip against Callum's nose, the crying comes to an abrupt stop. "Sit up then lad."
Obeying Robbie's instructions, nervously i sit in a comfortable position. "But i-" My sentence soon is stopped, as the little boy is placed into my arms. Looking up at me, his blue eyes brighten and his hand grips tightly around my index finger.
"See." Happily Robbie sighs at me, his hand pats my shoulder. "I better be off. I'm already running late. Here." Handing me a red bottle filled with milk, he quickly dashes for his equipment.
"No, Rob wait you can't leave-"
"I'll see you tonight!" He calls, as the front door closes behind him.
"...Me." Softly i sigh, looking down at the bundle in my arms.
-----------------------------
Sitting on the floor crossed legged, i watch carefully as Callum wobbles whilst crawling along the carpet. "Do you want to do some painting?" Stopping in his tracks, he tumbles onto his bum, getting a better look at me. Setting down a couple of sheets of newspaper on the floor, i begin undoing the paint pot lids. A curious look shows on the boy's face, as he crawls back over into my direction. "Let's see if you will be the next Picasso."
"Ba...nuhhh....baaa..." He grumbles with a very faint smile on his face.
"Do you want to paint with Daddy? Lets paint so pretty pictures for Daddy to put up in his studio. I'll show you that one day, you will have a field day up in there with all the buttons." Lifting the child up from the pile of toys, he now sits in between my legs, using my frame as a support. Resting pieces of A4 paper randomly across the newspaper, i dip my finger into the red pot of paint. "Look, can you do this?" Running my finger across the blank paper, it begins to create different shapes and swirls. Intrigued by actions, Callum bounces gently on his bum with a pure look of excitement. "Here...have a go." Using my free hand, i wrap my fingers around the tiny hand, dipping a finger only of Callum's into the green pot of paint. Examining his green fingertip, he frowns at the coldness. "Now that's what you call having green fingers." I chuckle to myself at my own joke. Callum ignores my voice, as his finger trails along the paper, making random lines.
Ten minutes into the painting and its safe to say we have more paint on our skin than what the paper has. Callum pushes his hand into the yellow paint which has spilled onto the newspaper. Hitting his hands onto the paper, his hand prints give me an idea. Purposely i pour out the red paint onto a spare piece of paper, before placing my own hand into the centre of the spillage. Once my hand is covered in paint, forcefully i press my hand onto a blank piece of paper. "Can you put your hand print over Daddy's?" I ask, but of course get no reply, instead i get a vague look shot at me. Smiling to myself, i dip Callum's hand into the blue paint. He doesn't breathe a sound, as he continues to watch what I'm doing. Pushing down Callum's hand, onto the same piece of paper my painted hand is on, after a few seconds i lift his hand away to admire the artwork. "Look. It's Daddy's hand and this little hand here... is your hand." The picture shows my hand as the background and sitting in the palm of my hand on the paper is Callum's blue hand print. He tilts his head to one side, just staring at our creation. "Shall we label it, yeah?" Cradling the boy into my arms, we swiftly make our way into the kitchen. Scanning around the kitchen area, instantly i notice a pen resting on the kitchen table, next to the unopened Valentine's card which was meant for Gary. Shaking my head lightly i exhale a deep sigh. Dropping the picture onto the table, quickly i scribble on the words next to the hand prints. Daddy's hand - Next to the big hand. Callum's hand- Next to the small hand, sitting in the palm of mine on the picture. "Perfect." I smile. "My first photo from my beautiful Son." Shakily i speak with a hoarse voice, as the tears form in my eyes. It doesn't feel real. Gritting my teeth, my eyes latch onto the card which remains propped up against the flower vase. What i wouldn't give to have Gary here with us, joining in on the fun. Just the three of us lazily spending the afternoon together painting pictures or taking trips to the local park. Callum pats my cheeks together interrupting my thoughts, as the tears drip from my eyes. Turning around, i notice my now colourful face in the kitchen mirror. Brushing away the tears, the back of my hand wipes my blocked nose. "Come on, we better get this washed off. You've turned into a little rainbow."
With Callum washed and dressed for bed, I crouch on the floor next to the bed. Tonight Callum is sleeping in Eleanor's bed with me, seeing as Robbie won't be back for a few days. At six - thirty at night, Callum is already dozing off in the bed. "There was once a little boy called Callum. He was a brave little boy and had a smile which broke a million girl's hearts." Making up a bedtime story of my own, he listens carefully to every word which is spoken. "...He was a very special little boy and a very handsome one at that." Stroking his cheek with the back of my hand, subtly i smile. "He had two very loving parents in his life. Two Daddies in fact." My throat turns dry by speaking those two words. "Daddy Mark and the incredibly stunning Daddy Gary. Not only did he have such caring and loving parents in his life, but he also had a little Sister called Hannah." Tiredly i watch the little boy's eyes slowly open and close trying his best to keep awake. "Callum grew up to be a brave knight, no matter what life threw at him, with no fear he stood tall and slayed all the evil monsters, also known as the Paparazzi. Saving his beautiful Sister, Princess Hannah along the way." Within a couple of seconds, Callum's eyes finally remain closed. His cheek is nuzzled against the pillow which his fists are tightly gripped to. "Just like Daddy Gary." Quietly i smirk at the sight. "Sweet dreams little man." Delicately i peck his forehead. I guess i could get use to this. Tomorrow is just another day and with Gary and Laura off the scene for a few days, that means i need to make the most of it with my Son, before it all goes pear shaped once again.
Monday 14 July 2014
Chapter 45
Mark's POV
The faint sound of my mobile phone buzzing on the floor disturbs me. Reaching my arm from under the duvet, immediately i switch off the alarm without waking Robbie. I've been awake for the past half an hour, just thinking. Thinking mainly about tonight, mine and Gary's dinner together. Robbie's still fast asleep snoring his head off above me in Eleanor's bed. I now wish i chose to sleep on the sofa instead of on the floor once again in Eleanor's room, I'm starting to feel twice my age with the aches in my back. Sliding out from under my duvet, i tip toe into the empty bathroom, closing the door behind me. Switching on the shower, i turn the dial to the correct temperature. It seems that everyone in the house is still asleep, there's a strange feeling in the air and i can't seem to work it out. Once undressed, i step inside the walk in shower, sliding across the glass frosted door, leaving me now alone and back into my own world. The tepid water hits against my skin, just how i like it, nothing beats a shower to wake yourself up or to have some alone time. Thoughts swirl around my head as my fingers rake through my hair. Maybe it is too soon to spend time with Gary, even though he was the one who confessed about wanting to start again, surly he wouldn't agree to just through sympathy? No. I need to stop this, I'll only end up driving him away.
Leaning my back against the white ceramic tiles, my eyes stare down at the water running against my limbs, washing away the foamy soap from my skin. Feeling slightly light headed, my hand clutches to my forehead, whilst the other steadies myself. It wasn't such a good idea getting only two hours sleep last night and it certainly wasn't a good idea not eating anything yesterday. "Mark?" Suddenly a voice calls. "Mark?!" Followed by a knock, the voice seems to be irritated. Flicking the button on the shower causes the water to come to an abrupt holt.
"Yeah?" Inhaling a deep breath, my head pokes out of the shower door, allowing the steam to exit out through the open window.
"C'mon lad. I'm bursting here!"
"Oh...er...sorry. Give me a sec." Wrapping my towel around my waist, i bundle my nightwear together, before hurrying out the door. "Sorry Ro-"
"Forty five bloody minutes i had to hold this!" Robbie hurriedly runs into the bathroom, knocking me out the way slightly as he does. I haven't even noticed i was in there that long, see what over thinking does to me? It over takes my entire brain. Trailing back into the bedroom, carelessly i drop my used clothes into a corner of the room, before slumping down onto the unmade bed. Cupping my face in the palms of my hands, i breathe out a shaky breath. "Come on Mark, get a grip." Tapping my cheek i tilt my head either side of my shoulders. Glancing over towards my mobile, which remains face down on the carpet, an idea springs to mind. My mobile rests in the palm of my hand, clicking open the square blue tab with a white bird, my twitter account opens. Thinking of a message to type to my followers in relation to Valentine's day, something catches my attention.
'29 mins ago - @GaryBarlow : Happy Valentine's Day tweeps !!! Love, care and treasure one anothers love. Life's too short xx'
Re reading the message over and over again, i can feel my heart melt down into the pit of my stomach. Such a simple message, but still sends a thousands thoughts. Clicking onto the tweet, the first reply says : "Does this mean you and @OfficialMarko are back together??" Their question is as good as mine. Its hard to hold back the grin which is now plastered over my face, towel drying my hair, happily i hum to myself. Even in black and white, Gary can still make me happy, its clear that Gary is the one for me.
----------------------------
Sautéing the chicken in the pan of olive oil, it isn't long until the smell drives Robbie into the kitchen. "What ya cookin', Markie?" Sniffing the air, his hands rest on my shoulders.
"Coq Au Vin." Smugly i smile, flipping the chicken onto each side, as it turns a light golden brown colour. Robbie leans on the worktop, watching the chicken sizzle in the frying pan.
"Sounds grim... what is this cock something something, anyway?"
"Coq Au Vin, Rob. It's chicken in a burgundy wine sauce." Once the chicken is cooked, i begin dicing the vegetables. Taking hold of a spare knife, he helps by finely chopping up some onion.
"Wine? Are you allo-"
"Don't worry. I'm only having a couple teaspoons on mine. Its better than eating it dry. Its not like I'm going to guzzle the bottle down my neck is it?" Slightly annoyed, i cut into his sentence. Nodding his head, he lowers his protective guard.
"Of course... i didn't mean it like that. I just care about you, that's all."
"And i appreciate it, but tonight I'm trying to impress Gary without putting myself first..." Letting out an inaudible sigh, i bundle the chopped vegetables together, placing them into another frying pan of their own.
"Gary's going to love it...if that's what you're worried about. I know he's hard to please, but he will appreciate all this."
"Its not that... well it is, but i should know that man inside out... there's just a feeling..."
"A feeling? Are you having second thoughts about him?"
"No!" I yelp. "No, not that... well... not me anyway."
Robbie pulls back a chair from the kitchen table, looking intrigued by my reply. "But wasn't Gary the one who wanted to make another go of things? And didn't he agree to have dinner with you tonight." His fist rests under his chin.
"Yeah, i know that...its just... something doesn't feel right... like in my mind there's an alarm which is telling me there's something not right or there's something which will go wrong." Putting the dirty utensils into the filled sink, my teeth grip to my bottom lip. "I'm being silly again...aren't i? I just hope my over thinking doesn't cause things to end before they have even started again."
Robbie breathes a heavy sigh out through his nose with a faint smile spreading across his face.
"You are being silly, but its understandable, I don't blame you. Its clear if not to you, but to people around the pair of you, that you're both madly in love with each other. Still. Gary's still hurting and maybe he will always hurt deep down, but things will get better. The best thing is to talk and tonight will be a good reason to do so... just the two of you. Tell Gary exactly how you are feeling, that way you won't over think when he's not here." Listening carefully to Robbie's words, things become much easier.
"You're right." I surrender. "I need to pull myself together...that way we can move on in life, thanks for talking me round, mate."
"Anytime, Markie. I should listen to my own advice really." Chuckling to himself, gently he pats my back. "I have trust in you though lad. You can do this, its just you, Gary and your beautiful children...that is all that matters in life. If people want to interfere with that, then send them my way." Cheekily he winks.
"Cheers, Rob. I'll bare that in mind."
----------------------
Over three hours later and everything is in order. Dinner has been cooked, ready and waiting to be eaten. The DVD player is set up with a box set of Star Wars, waiting to be watched in the living room. Pressing play on the IPod docking station, it begins to sweetly play Your Song by Elton John. Tonight I'm making the effort. From downloading Elton John's albums, to buying box sets of Star Wars, the things i thought i would never do, but knowing that they are Gary's favourites then tonight will be different. Sitting down at the table, two plates of food are neatly placed in front of my view. Glancing over at the wall clock, softly i mumble to myself. "Fashionably late, Mr Barlow." Gary's running thirteen minutes late, but i shouldn't be worried, Gary's usually late for evenings like this, not just with me but even down to friends and interviewers. Firmly pushing the corkscrew into the top of the red wine bottle, with a pop the strength of the wine instantly fills my nostrils. The craving has made an appearance once again, the craving for alcohol. Maybe tonight could be an exception. With a mere debate with myself, i go ahead anyway. Hopefully this way my nerves will be calm enough for when Gary arrives. "Sod it." Tilting the opening of the wine over my glass, i fill it half way with the red liquid. Tapping a quick text message, i drop my head backwards, releasing a sigh of relief "Dinner's served, Sir. Can't wait to see you.. Marko xxx" . Nothing can ruin tonight
Robbie's POV
Stirring in my sleep, an unclear noise sounds downstairs strangely catches my attention. Turning over in the child's bed, my eyes latch onto the alarm clock beside me. 7:35 am. Rubbing my heavy feeling eye lids with the palms of my hands, i discover that the make do bed hasn't been slept in. "What's he doing up so early?" Mumbling to myself, as i sling my legs over the bed i pull on a t-shirt ready to go and investigate. Creeping down the stairs, the sound soon becomes clear, that in fact its actually music playing. Elton John? Since when does Mark listen to Elton John at almost 8 in the morning? I question myself. Poking my head around the door which is ajar, a figure sits with its head down on the table, still smartly dressed. "Mark?" A wine glass is clenched in his hand, as quiet snores leave his parted lips. Plates full of food, which have been untouched remain on the table. "Mark? Mate, wake up?" Nudging his back delicately, a murmur leaves his mouth.
"Uh...?"
Skipping over towards the Ipod dock, i unplug the station. "What happened?" Within seconds it soon becomes clear. Gary never turned up. Or maybe, he just didn't like the food after all? My eyes are drawn to the red envelope sitting opposite Mark on the table, with five letters carefully scribble across it. 'Gary... x'. Just by thinking about Mark's upset and heartache due to Gary not showing, manages to boil my blood. How could he do such a thing? Hasn't Mark suffered enough from his actions already? Shaking my head, i wrap an arm around Mark's waist, helping the weak man to his feet. "I'm taking you to bed... you need a lie down...in a bed this time."
"Thank you..." Sleepily he whispers. He's acting too calm about all this, maybe he doesn't know? Maybe he fell asleep whilst waiting for Gary?
Walking back up the stairs, with one arm wrapped around Mark and the other on the stair railing to support us, we begin to make our way back towards the bedroom. "Just wait until i get my hands on that man." I whisper under a deep breath.
"Rob? Is that you?"
Looking up at the top of the stairs, there standing above me is Yasmin. A worried look is plastered across her face, as she tightly holds the tie on her dressing gown.
"Is everything, OK?" After carrying Mark's body to the top of the stairs, we enter the bedroom where i carefully rest the male. Yasmin watches from the door frame, with her phone clutched in her hand.
"How is he?" She breathes, as the door closes behind me.
"Surprisingly, fine. Better than what Gary's going to feel like when i get hold of him. Can you believe what he's done? Not turning up after all that work and effort Mark put in to please him? What an absolute arsehole." Grinding my jaw, my eyes glare at an old photograph of the five of us sitting on a self.
Looking incredibly guilty, Yasmin bows her head. "He...He texted me."
"Who? Gary?" Only a nod answers my question. "What did he say then? All this bull about him being sorry, about him being trapped in never ending traffic?!" Raising my voice, Yasmin hands me her phone. Swiftly my eyes scan the open text message on her mobile screen.
"Hiya Yaz, Its Gary. I'm just letting you know I'm on my way to Heathrow now. I'm going a way for a few days, just to clear my head and I'll be back fresher than ever. If there's any problems please give me a call, mainly to do with your health or the baby's. Send my love and see you soon. P.s Sorry for only telling you now at short notice. Gaz xx"
"Wait..." Focusing my eyes on the text a little clearer. "This was from last night? Yasmin, why didn't you say anything?! You let Mark do all that for fuck all, knowing full well Gary wasn't going to show?!"
"Believe me, Rob. It wasn't easy to sleep on."
"Oh poor you! Poor fucking you!" Loudly i hiss, handing back her phone. "Do you like seeing Mark suffer just to please your mate, ay?"
Backing away from me slightly, Yasmin's face saddens. "Of course i don't. Mark's my friend also, i just didn't think!"
"Clearly. You never seem to think do you?"
"Keep your voice down." Angrily, Yasmin mumbles.
"Gary's single now, you're single. Oh what a coincidence? Try and wreck what Mark and Gary have so you can hop back into Gary's bed again?!" Suddenly i feel a burning sensation on my cheek, followed by the sound of flesh on flesh filling the room. Gripping to my cheek, a voice speaks behind me.
"W...What's...going on...?" Still holding my face, turning on my heels, both of our eyes stare down at the half awake man, standing at the bedroom door.
---------------------------
Mark's POV
"I knew it! I fucking knew something was going to go wrong!" Pacing up and down the living room, i continue to curse. "Every time i try and do the right thing, i end up falling flat on my face."
"Mark... calm down..." Yasmin sits on the sofa, dressing the female toddler. "And watch your language." Running my fingers through my hair, i stop in my tracks. "I'm sorry, but its true."
"Maybe he just forgot to tell you?"
"Purposely you mean. I guess this is some kind of revenge. He knew how much i was looking forward in spending the evening together. I even bought this crappy box set to watch with him!" Kicking over the rectangle box, it makes a dull thud sound as it hits the corner of the wall, after sliding along the laminate.
"I don't know, Mark. I wish i knew. I've left him a message to call you, maybe he has his phone off..."
"Or maybe he just doesn't give a damn about me?" A lump forms in my throat. Don't cry Mark. Don't. This is exactly what he wants, repetitively i repeat in my head. "I'm such a fool for ever believing him. Our relationship is over and i need to get over it." Exhaling a deep sigh, my palms cover my face.
"I'll try my best to get answers out of him, Mark. And i promise to let you know about any new information if i find it."
"No, don't. There's no point." I protest. "If he wanted me to know, then he would text me himself. Clearly I'm evil and he wants nothing more to do with me."
"Don't be silly, you know that's not true. You're far from evil!"
"Then tell me Yasmin, because I'm going out of my mind here!" Tears slowly run down my cheeks without me even noticing. I'm just far too tired to even control my emotions anymore.
"Mar-" Her sentence is cut off by the sound of a light fist making contact with the front door.
"I'll get it!" A voice calls from upstairs, followed by footsteps.
"He just needs a break and i agree with you, he should of told you. And I'm sorry for not telling you about the text. Trust me, i didn't mean for you to sit up all night, i guess i just drifted off without knowing." Sitting Eleanor comfortable in front of the TV, Yasmin snakes an arm around my shoulder. "No matter what happens, you'll always have your friends...and daughter to love and support you..." Wrapping her fingers around my wrist, she places my hand onto her ballooning stomach. Wiping away my tears with my free hand, a smile forms on my face whilst my fingers spread across her bump.
"Always."
Our quiet conversation is interrupted by the sound of mumbles coming from the hallway. "I wonder who that is?" Yasmin questions, still standing in front of me, allowing my hand to feel the light kicks of the unborn child.
"I didn't see anyone. Maybe its just Mormons." I add, trying to work out whether or not i can recognise the second voice.
"You can't! Not today, he's in no fit state. You just enjoy sticking the knife in, don't you? Yeah that's it, you do a runner! Scum of the earth!" Robbie's speech hastily turns into a shout within a split second. "You run away then! Leave us to pick up the pieces!" The front door slams loudly, making the three of us flinch. Eleanor's eyes grow with fear by the noise, quickly Yasmin leaves my side to comfort her daughter. Shuffling echoes along the hallway, as Robbie makes his way to the door frame. Holding my head still, my eyes are only able to see his feet.
"I...I...I think... you have a visitor." Robbie's voice stutters. Glancing my eyes up his figure, shock runs through my body. Standing a couple of inches away from me is Robbie and in his arms is a small child. That's when it hits me. That isn't any small child. "...Meet your Son, Mark." He looks at me with a softening smile.
The faint sound of my mobile phone buzzing on the floor disturbs me. Reaching my arm from under the duvet, immediately i switch off the alarm without waking Robbie. I've been awake for the past half an hour, just thinking. Thinking mainly about tonight, mine and Gary's dinner together. Robbie's still fast asleep snoring his head off above me in Eleanor's bed. I now wish i chose to sleep on the sofa instead of on the floor once again in Eleanor's room, I'm starting to feel twice my age with the aches in my back. Sliding out from under my duvet, i tip toe into the empty bathroom, closing the door behind me. Switching on the shower, i turn the dial to the correct temperature. It seems that everyone in the house is still asleep, there's a strange feeling in the air and i can't seem to work it out. Once undressed, i step inside the walk in shower, sliding across the glass frosted door, leaving me now alone and back into my own world. The tepid water hits against my skin, just how i like it, nothing beats a shower to wake yourself up or to have some alone time. Thoughts swirl around my head as my fingers rake through my hair. Maybe it is too soon to spend time with Gary, even though he was the one who confessed about wanting to start again, surly he wouldn't agree to just through sympathy? No. I need to stop this, I'll only end up driving him away.
Leaning my back against the white ceramic tiles, my eyes stare down at the water running against my limbs, washing away the foamy soap from my skin. Feeling slightly light headed, my hand clutches to my forehead, whilst the other steadies myself. It wasn't such a good idea getting only two hours sleep last night and it certainly wasn't a good idea not eating anything yesterday. "Mark?" Suddenly a voice calls. "Mark?!" Followed by a knock, the voice seems to be irritated. Flicking the button on the shower causes the water to come to an abrupt holt.
"Yeah?" Inhaling a deep breath, my head pokes out of the shower door, allowing the steam to exit out through the open window.
"C'mon lad. I'm bursting here!"
"Oh...er...sorry. Give me a sec." Wrapping my towel around my waist, i bundle my nightwear together, before hurrying out the door. "Sorry Ro-"
"Forty five bloody minutes i had to hold this!" Robbie hurriedly runs into the bathroom, knocking me out the way slightly as he does. I haven't even noticed i was in there that long, see what over thinking does to me? It over takes my entire brain. Trailing back into the bedroom, carelessly i drop my used clothes into a corner of the room, before slumping down onto the unmade bed. Cupping my face in the palms of my hands, i breathe out a shaky breath. "Come on Mark, get a grip." Tapping my cheek i tilt my head either side of my shoulders. Glancing over towards my mobile, which remains face down on the carpet, an idea springs to mind. My mobile rests in the palm of my hand, clicking open the square blue tab with a white bird, my twitter account opens. Thinking of a message to type to my followers in relation to Valentine's day, something catches my attention.
'29 mins ago - @GaryBarlow : Happy Valentine's Day tweeps !!! Love, care and treasure one anothers love. Life's too short xx'
Re reading the message over and over again, i can feel my heart melt down into the pit of my stomach. Such a simple message, but still sends a thousands thoughts. Clicking onto the tweet, the first reply says : "Does this mean you and @OfficialMarko are back together??" Their question is as good as mine. Its hard to hold back the grin which is now plastered over my face, towel drying my hair, happily i hum to myself. Even in black and white, Gary can still make me happy, its clear that Gary is the one for me.
----------------------------
Sautéing the chicken in the pan of olive oil, it isn't long until the smell drives Robbie into the kitchen. "What ya cookin', Markie?" Sniffing the air, his hands rest on my shoulders.
"Coq Au Vin." Smugly i smile, flipping the chicken onto each side, as it turns a light golden brown colour. Robbie leans on the worktop, watching the chicken sizzle in the frying pan.
"Sounds grim... what is this cock something something, anyway?"
"Coq Au Vin, Rob. It's chicken in a burgundy wine sauce." Once the chicken is cooked, i begin dicing the vegetables. Taking hold of a spare knife, he helps by finely chopping up some onion.
"Wine? Are you allo-"
"Don't worry. I'm only having a couple teaspoons on mine. Its better than eating it dry. Its not like I'm going to guzzle the bottle down my neck is it?" Slightly annoyed, i cut into his sentence. Nodding his head, he lowers his protective guard.
"Of course... i didn't mean it like that. I just care about you, that's all."
"And i appreciate it, but tonight I'm trying to impress Gary without putting myself first..." Letting out an inaudible sigh, i bundle the chopped vegetables together, placing them into another frying pan of their own.
"Gary's going to love it...if that's what you're worried about. I know he's hard to please, but he will appreciate all this."
"Its not that... well it is, but i should know that man inside out... there's just a feeling..."
"A feeling? Are you having second thoughts about him?"
"No!" I yelp. "No, not that... well... not me anyway."
Robbie pulls back a chair from the kitchen table, looking intrigued by my reply. "But wasn't Gary the one who wanted to make another go of things? And didn't he agree to have dinner with you tonight." His fist rests under his chin.
"Yeah, i know that...its just... something doesn't feel right... like in my mind there's an alarm which is telling me there's something not right or there's something which will go wrong." Putting the dirty utensils into the filled sink, my teeth grip to my bottom lip. "I'm being silly again...aren't i? I just hope my over thinking doesn't cause things to end before they have even started again."
Robbie breathes a heavy sigh out through his nose with a faint smile spreading across his face.
"You are being silly, but its understandable, I don't blame you. Its clear if not to you, but to people around the pair of you, that you're both madly in love with each other. Still. Gary's still hurting and maybe he will always hurt deep down, but things will get better. The best thing is to talk and tonight will be a good reason to do so... just the two of you. Tell Gary exactly how you are feeling, that way you won't over think when he's not here." Listening carefully to Robbie's words, things become much easier.
"You're right." I surrender. "I need to pull myself together...that way we can move on in life, thanks for talking me round, mate."
"Anytime, Markie. I should listen to my own advice really." Chuckling to himself, gently he pats my back. "I have trust in you though lad. You can do this, its just you, Gary and your beautiful children...that is all that matters in life. If people want to interfere with that, then send them my way." Cheekily he winks.
"Cheers, Rob. I'll bare that in mind."
----------------------
Over three hours later and everything is in order. Dinner has been cooked, ready and waiting to be eaten. The DVD player is set up with a box set of Star Wars, waiting to be watched in the living room. Pressing play on the IPod docking station, it begins to sweetly play Your Song by Elton John. Tonight I'm making the effort. From downloading Elton John's albums, to buying box sets of Star Wars, the things i thought i would never do, but knowing that they are Gary's favourites then tonight will be different. Sitting down at the table, two plates of food are neatly placed in front of my view. Glancing over at the wall clock, softly i mumble to myself. "Fashionably late, Mr Barlow." Gary's running thirteen minutes late, but i shouldn't be worried, Gary's usually late for evenings like this, not just with me but even down to friends and interviewers. Firmly pushing the corkscrew into the top of the red wine bottle, with a pop the strength of the wine instantly fills my nostrils. The craving has made an appearance once again, the craving for alcohol. Maybe tonight could be an exception. With a mere debate with myself, i go ahead anyway. Hopefully this way my nerves will be calm enough for when Gary arrives. "Sod it." Tilting the opening of the wine over my glass, i fill it half way with the red liquid. Tapping a quick text message, i drop my head backwards, releasing a sigh of relief "Dinner's served, Sir. Can't wait to see you.. Marko xxx" . Nothing can ruin tonight
Robbie's POV
Stirring in my sleep, an unclear noise sounds downstairs strangely catches my attention. Turning over in the child's bed, my eyes latch onto the alarm clock beside me. 7:35 am. Rubbing my heavy feeling eye lids with the palms of my hands, i discover that the make do bed hasn't been slept in. "What's he doing up so early?" Mumbling to myself, as i sling my legs over the bed i pull on a t-shirt ready to go and investigate. Creeping down the stairs, the sound soon becomes clear, that in fact its actually music playing. Elton John? Since when does Mark listen to Elton John at almost 8 in the morning? I question myself. Poking my head around the door which is ajar, a figure sits with its head down on the table, still smartly dressed. "Mark?" A wine glass is clenched in his hand, as quiet snores leave his parted lips. Plates full of food, which have been untouched remain on the table. "Mark? Mate, wake up?" Nudging his back delicately, a murmur leaves his mouth.
"Uh...?"
Skipping over towards the Ipod dock, i unplug the station. "What happened?" Within seconds it soon becomes clear. Gary never turned up. Or maybe, he just didn't like the food after all? My eyes are drawn to the red envelope sitting opposite Mark on the table, with five letters carefully scribble across it. 'Gary... x'. Just by thinking about Mark's upset and heartache due to Gary not showing, manages to boil my blood. How could he do such a thing? Hasn't Mark suffered enough from his actions already? Shaking my head, i wrap an arm around Mark's waist, helping the weak man to his feet. "I'm taking you to bed... you need a lie down...in a bed this time."
"Thank you..." Sleepily he whispers. He's acting too calm about all this, maybe he doesn't know? Maybe he fell asleep whilst waiting for Gary?
Walking back up the stairs, with one arm wrapped around Mark and the other on the stair railing to support us, we begin to make our way back towards the bedroom. "Just wait until i get my hands on that man." I whisper under a deep breath.
"Rob? Is that you?"
Looking up at the top of the stairs, there standing above me is Yasmin. A worried look is plastered across her face, as she tightly holds the tie on her dressing gown.
"Is everything, OK?" After carrying Mark's body to the top of the stairs, we enter the bedroom where i carefully rest the male. Yasmin watches from the door frame, with her phone clutched in her hand.
"How is he?" She breathes, as the door closes behind me.
"Surprisingly, fine. Better than what Gary's going to feel like when i get hold of him. Can you believe what he's done? Not turning up after all that work and effort Mark put in to please him? What an absolute arsehole." Grinding my jaw, my eyes glare at an old photograph of the five of us sitting on a self.
Looking incredibly guilty, Yasmin bows her head. "He...He texted me."
"Who? Gary?" Only a nod answers my question. "What did he say then? All this bull about him being sorry, about him being trapped in never ending traffic?!" Raising my voice, Yasmin hands me her phone. Swiftly my eyes scan the open text message on her mobile screen.
"Hiya Yaz, Its Gary. I'm just letting you know I'm on my way to Heathrow now. I'm going a way for a few days, just to clear my head and I'll be back fresher than ever. If there's any problems please give me a call, mainly to do with your health or the baby's. Send my love and see you soon. P.s Sorry for only telling you now at short notice. Gaz xx"
"Wait..." Focusing my eyes on the text a little clearer. "This was from last night? Yasmin, why didn't you say anything?! You let Mark do all that for fuck all, knowing full well Gary wasn't going to show?!"
"Believe me, Rob. It wasn't easy to sleep on."
"Oh poor you! Poor fucking you!" Loudly i hiss, handing back her phone. "Do you like seeing Mark suffer just to please your mate, ay?"
Backing away from me slightly, Yasmin's face saddens. "Of course i don't. Mark's my friend also, i just didn't think!"
"Clearly. You never seem to think do you?"
"Keep your voice down." Angrily, Yasmin mumbles.
"Gary's single now, you're single. Oh what a coincidence? Try and wreck what Mark and Gary have so you can hop back into Gary's bed again?!" Suddenly i feel a burning sensation on my cheek, followed by the sound of flesh on flesh filling the room. Gripping to my cheek, a voice speaks behind me.
"W...What's...going on...?" Still holding my face, turning on my heels, both of our eyes stare down at the half awake man, standing at the bedroom door.
---------------------------
Mark's POV
"I knew it! I fucking knew something was going to go wrong!" Pacing up and down the living room, i continue to curse. "Every time i try and do the right thing, i end up falling flat on my face."
"Mark... calm down..." Yasmin sits on the sofa, dressing the female toddler. "And watch your language." Running my fingers through my hair, i stop in my tracks. "I'm sorry, but its true."
"Maybe he just forgot to tell you?"
"Purposely you mean. I guess this is some kind of revenge. He knew how much i was looking forward in spending the evening together. I even bought this crappy box set to watch with him!" Kicking over the rectangle box, it makes a dull thud sound as it hits the corner of the wall, after sliding along the laminate.
"I don't know, Mark. I wish i knew. I've left him a message to call you, maybe he has his phone off..."
"Or maybe he just doesn't give a damn about me?" A lump forms in my throat. Don't cry Mark. Don't. This is exactly what he wants, repetitively i repeat in my head. "I'm such a fool for ever believing him. Our relationship is over and i need to get over it." Exhaling a deep sigh, my palms cover my face.
"I'll try my best to get answers out of him, Mark. And i promise to let you know about any new information if i find it."
"No, don't. There's no point." I protest. "If he wanted me to know, then he would text me himself. Clearly I'm evil and he wants nothing more to do with me."
"Don't be silly, you know that's not true. You're far from evil!"
"Then tell me Yasmin, because I'm going out of my mind here!" Tears slowly run down my cheeks without me even noticing. I'm just far too tired to even control my emotions anymore.
"Mar-" Her sentence is cut off by the sound of a light fist making contact with the front door.
"I'll get it!" A voice calls from upstairs, followed by footsteps.
"He just needs a break and i agree with you, he should of told you. And I'm sorry for not telling you about the text. Trust me, i didn't mean for you to sit up all night, i guess i just drifted off without knowing." Sitting Eleanor comfortable in front of the TV, Yasmin snakes an arm around my shoulder. "No matter what happens, you'll always have your friends...and daughter to love and support you..." Wrapping her fingers around my wrist, she places my hand onto her ballooning stomach. Wiping away my tears with my free hand, a smile forms on my face whilst my fingers spread across her bump.
"Always."
Our quiet conversation is interrupted by the sound of mumbles coming from the hallway. "I wonder who that is?" Yasmin questions, still standing in front of me, allowing my hand to feel the light kicks of the unborn child.
"I didn't see anyone. Maybe its just Mormons." I add, trying to work out whether or not i can recognise the second voice.
"You can't! Not today, he's in no fit state. You just enjoy sticking the knife in, don't you? Yeah that's it, you do a runner! Scum of the earth!" Robbie's speech hastily turns into a shout within a split second. "You run away then! Leave us to pick up the pieces!" The front door slams loudly, making the three of us flinch. Eleanor's eyes grow with fear by the noise, quickly Yasmin leaves my side to comfort her daughter. Shuffling echoes along the hallway, as Robbie makes his way to the door frame. Holding my head still, my eyes are only able to see his feet.
"I...I...I think... you have a visitor." Robbie's voice stutters. Glancing my eyes up his figure, shock runs through my body. Standing a couple of inches away from me is Robbie and in his arms is a small child. That's when it hits me. That isn't any small child. "...Meet your Son, Mark." He looks at me with a softening smile.
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